Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Had a great time in Hawaii
Life has been really wonderful to me and my new husband! :) We had a great time on our honeymoon. I will fill you in as soon as I can. It took me a while to get back in to the swing of things from all the jet lag. Now I have really yucky sinuses, so for about a week I have felt like crap. I'll be posting all the details soon. Thanks for checking back!
Thursday, November 09, 2006
We Leave For Hawaii TOMORROW 6am!
WOO HOO! I will try to right a bit tonight; I am off to run errands and lose my mind! Wish me luck! Anyone with any travel or Oahu advice please feel free to email me or comment here with it! I am soooooo excited. Eh and I am getting a cold or sinus thing....gotta stop at doc in a box. Later, L
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Dining With Friends
I am having a hard time shaking a sinus thing I picked up last week. I am sick of blowing my nose! We get on a plane for Honolulu on Friday, I need to get this thing over with! Yesterday, I pretty much stayed around the house, didn't feel worth a dang. This morning when I woke up I thought for sure I would be headed to the doctor's office, but as the day went on I felt better. UGH!
Today, I met my friend at Sam's to buy a 12 foot Christmas tree! Just so you know, the darn thing is in a HUGE box. We had to take it out of the box to get it to fit in her car. It was like a Laurel & Hardy scene in the parking lot, but we got it to fit finally.
Tonight Mike and I went to dinner with J & R at Carrabba's, not sure of that spelling, but you get the idea. YUMMY. Mike and I had the Sirloin Marsala with Spaghetti and salad. It was ono. (Hawaiian for delicious) Our friends got the Mahi special and something called Chicken Bryan...this is chicken covered with cheeze...it looked so good! Good food, good service and good company.
Good night!
Today, I met my friend at Sam's to buy a 12 foot Christmas tree! Just so you know, the darn thing is in a HUGE box. We had to take it out of the box to get it to fit in her car. It was like a Laurel & Hardy scene in the parking lot, but we got it to fit finally.
Tonight Mike and I went to dinner with J & R at Carrabba's, not sure of that spelling, but you get the idea. YUMMY. Mike and I had the Sirloin Marsala with Spaghetti and salad. It was ono. (Hawaiian for delicious) Our friends got the Mahi special and something called Chicken Bryan...this is chicken covered with cheeze...it looked so good! Good food, good service and good company.
Good night!
Monday, November 06, 2006
What A Weekend!
The mush anticipated garage sale went pretty well. Didn't realize that the huge Whale of a Sale was going on at the same time....duh. Anyhow, we sold the big items we really wanted to get rid of, so that was great. We made some $ on stuff we would have otherwise given away or thrown out. We also made a big donation to GoodWill, so everbody was a winner! That is except this incredible woman who came by early in the sale....
She pulled up in her car around the beginning of the sale, around 8am or so. I said "Good morning. How are you this morning?" She responded, "Oh, I am blessed, I am blessed." I said, "Yes ma'am we are all blessed to be alive on such a beautiful sunny morning." She looked some things over, wanted to know what we would take for the computer desk (really large with credenza) that we had marked $25. I told her I was pretty firm on that price, this early in the day. She said, "Well, it is a good price, whoever gets it will surely be blessed, I just can't afford it right now." She walked to the washing machine that was marked $35 and asked if it worked, etc. We said yes that it had been in storage, but when it was last hooked up it worked. She asked if we would hold it for her, she had to go pay a bill and would be right back, she lived around the corner. I said we would need her to pay for it or leave a deposit, then we would be glad to hold it. She said she had to go pay a bill first, she didn't have the money on her and she pulled out $2 asking if we would accept that as a good faith deposit. We finally agreed. She then said, "I have to go pay my bill, cause I don't have any lights, my lights got turned off. I will be back after I pay my bill to pick it up." She left, the sale went on with more people coming and saying they really liked so and so and would be back, my sweet husband believed them all. He is adorable and sweet and it's why I love him, and he is very trusting of people. Some of these folks actually did come back. Without a deposit or payment, we didn't hold stuff for folks. Its just too complicated. So the day went on, we sold the computer desk for $25 and my sweet husband even delivered it for the really nice woman who bought it. She sent her nephew to pick it up in a car and Mike has a truck, so he just followed the young man to her house. We were about to pack it in for the day, around 2:30 or so we were discussing what we were going to do with this VERY HEAVY washing machine. We tried to give it to one of the young men who was working on the house next door. His English was not very good and neither was our Spanish, but he finally told us he had nowhere to actually put it! A little while later a young woman came up with two children, she bought some boots and asked how much we would take for the washing machine, she offered $20 and we took it. She paid me and asked if we could hold it until she brought someone to pick it up. We said sure. Then as she left she asked the guys next door working on the house if they would put it in her truck for her(she spoke Spanish, oh yeah and she was very pretty!) they said yes. So off she went with her purchases. We started packing it in and were almost done around 3:30 or so and the "blessed" lady pulls up. Mike goes to talk to her and I go to get her $2.00 to give back to her. She is really a piece of work! Mike explains that we sold the washing machine and she didn't come back like she said she was going to. I reiterated that when I brought her her money. She didn't say anything more to me, but Mike is so nice and she kept on and on with him about how this was a lesson for us all. She told him she felt "VIOLATED". I can't explain how angry her choice of words makes me...... I am so glad I didn't hear that particular exchange, it makes me angry even now. I want so much to say to her...
You were VIOLATED because we sold the washing machine? VIOLATED? Are you kidding me? What a poor choice of words. Women are violated in great numbers everyday all over the world and I assure you ma'am in this instance you were NOT violated! How dare you?!?!
I need to go take a valium and calm down. :)
She pulled up in her car around the beginning of the sale, around 8am or so. I said "Good morning. How are you this morning?" She responded, "Oh, I am blessed, I am blessed." I said, "Yes ma'am we are all blessed to be alive on such a beautiful sunny morning." She looked some things over, wanted to know what we would take for the computer desk (really large with credenza) that we had marked $25. I told her I was pretty firm on that price, this early in the day. She said, "Well, it is a good price, whoever gets it will surely be blessed, I just can't afford it right now." She walked to the washing machine that was marked $35 and asked if it worked, etc. We said yes that it had been in storage, but when it was last hooked up it worked. She asked if we would hold it for her, she had to go pay a bill and would be right back, she lived around the corner. I said we would need her to pay for it or leave a deposit, then we would be glad to hold it. She said she had to go pay a bill first, she didn't have the money on her and she pulled out $2 asking if we would accept that as a good faith deposit. We finally agreed. She then said, "I have to go pay my bill, cause I don't have any lights, my lights got turned off. I will be back after I pay my bill to pick it up." She left, the sale went on with more people coming and saying they really liked so and so and would be back, my sweet husband believed them all. He is adorable and sweet and it's why I love him, and he is very trusting of people. Some of these folks actually did come back. Without a deposit or payment, we didn't hold stuff for folks. Its just too complicated. So the day went on, we sold the computer desk for $25 and my sweet husband even delivered it for the really nice woman who bought it. She sent her nephew to pick it up in a car and Mike has a truck, so he just followed the young man to her house. We were about to pack it in for the day, around 2:30 or so we were discussing what we were going to do with this VERY HEAVY washing machine. We tried to give it to one of the young men who was working on the house next door. His English was not very good and neither was our Spanish, but he finally told us he had nowhere to actually put it! A little while later a young woman came up with two children, she bought some boots and asked how much we would take for the washing machine, she offered $20 and we took it. She paid me and asked if we could hold it until she brought someone to pick it up. We said sure. Then as she left she asked the guys next door working on the house if they would put it in her truck for her(she spoke Spanish, oh yeah and she was very pretty!) they said yes. So off she went with her purchases. We started packing it in and were almost done around 3:30 or so and the "blessed" lady pulls up. Mike goes to talk to her and I go to get her $2.00 to give back to her. She is really a piece of work! Mike explains that we sold the washing machine and she didn't come back like she said she was going to. I reiterated that when I brought her her money. She didn't say anything more to me, but Mike is so nice and she kept on and on with him about how this was a lesson for us all. She told him she felt "VIOLATED". I can't explain how angry her choice of words makes me...... I am so glad I didn't hear that particular exchange, it makes me angry even now. I want so much to say to her...
You were VIOLATED because we sold the washing machine? VIOLATED? Are you kidding me? What a poor choice of words. Women are violated in great numbers everyday all over the world and I assure you ma'am in this instance you were NOT violated! How dare you?!?!
I need to go take a valium and calm down. :)
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Gearing Up For Yard Sale This Weekend
Today, I got a lot of things packed up ready to be moved to the storage shed. Now, I am focusing on the yard sale we are having this weekend. I am currently pricing things and trying to get organized a bit. We are holding it at my sister's house, hoping for more through traffic. It's hard to price things high enough so that people can bargain and low enough so that they are interested in the deal. I have sooooooo many books to sell, I could almost set up a bookstore with what I have on hand. The sad thing is I have just as many I am not selling! :) Whatever, it's an addiction....I do actually read them all! I am also getting rid of a lot of clothes. I found clothes that I have had for over 20 years! Unreal. Anyhow, this whole yard sale thing seems to be a lot of work! I hope we sell at least some of this crap!
In other news, I found out yesterday that my brother is having to have a diffibrulator/pacemaker put in. He will not be coming here for Thanksgiving week now. I hope it all works out for him. I am however kind of glad that they won't be here at that time. Their plan was to be here when Mike and I got back from Hawaii....that would be a great homecoming. Hello, welcome home let's go in the attic and clear it out.....jetlag, HELLO! Between the jetlag and my most recent irritation with my sister in law, I think it is safer for everyone involved that they won't be here. That being said, I do hope his surgery goes okay. It was pretty easy for my dad, so he should do fine. I think it is really shocking to him that he is having to have the surgery. That has to be a very scarey thing. It scares me. Ah well, just more reason to live life to the fullest EVERY DAY. Blessings.
In other news, I found out yesterday that my brother is having to have a diffibrulator/pacemaker put in. He will not be coming here for Thanksgiving week now. I hope it all works out for him. I am however kind of glad that they won't be here at that time. Their plan was to be here when Mike and I got back from Hawaii....that would be a great homecoming. Hello, welcome home let's go in the attic and clear it out.....jetlag, HELLO! Between the jetlag and my most recent irritation with my sister in law, I think it is safer for everyone involved that they won't be here. That being said, I do hope his surgery goes okay. It was pretty easy for my dad, so he should do fine. I think it is really shocking to him that he is having to have the surgery. That has to be a very scarey thing. It scares me. Ah well, just more reason to live life to the fullest EVERY DAY. Blessings.
A Place For My Stuff!
On my way to my dad's house to continue packing up all my stuff. I have too much stuff! :) We are trying to sell our house (Mike's in Goose Creek) and at the same time get my dad's house ready to be sold around the first of the year. If you know anyone looking for a nice, completely ready to move into, starter house in Goose Creek email me for the details. My email is acharlestongirl at gmail dot com. You never know how much stuff you have accumulated until you try to pack it all up! We are going to have the first of probably a couple of yard sales this weekend. Wish me luck! More later.
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Living Out Loud
Whew, it has been a couple of months since my last post. I have been busier than a one armed paper hanger!
September 16, my sweet handsome man and I were married at the home of my dear friends Myron and Charles. They live in a lovely house in Wagner Terrace on the river. We were able to be married by the marsh. It was incredible.
In the weeks preceding the ceremony, I had my wedding photos taken by my buddy Vin Duffy (he does an incredible job if anyone is looking for a photographer!!!). On the way to his house I was so overcome with how much I missed having my mother with me during this time. She passed away from lung cancer January 2000. She would have been so much fun! I cried my eyes out, I mean really bawled so hard I couldn't catch my breath. I called my friend in Newport, Deb, and she calmed me down. Actually, just hearing her voice calmed me right down. Funny how we do that for each other, eh? Anyhow, the pictures turned out great, mostly due to the photographer not the model! :)
My friends are so supportive of me. I have never felt so loved and supported as I did during this time in my life. I guess I never thought I would feel that after the death of my parents. I don't really have the words for how safe and cared for they made me feel.
The day was perfect. The time since then has been full of change and hectic activity, but the more I learn about my new husband, the more I love him.
A year ago, we were celebrating our Fakeaversarry on Halloween at the Terrace and we dressed as Mr. Clean and a French Maid. We stayed at the Francis Marion and had a VIP table at the party. I had toooo much champagne, but it was so much fun. This year we celebrated by going to the Fair. With so much happening right now, we decided to be more lowkey this year. Had a great time people watching. We both enjoy that a lot. And we have fun just being together.
We leave November 10 for Oahu, Hawaii! We are staying at the same place I stayed last year, The Outrigger Waikiki On The Beach. CAN NOT WAIT!
We will be gone 9 days for our honeymoon. Woo Hoo!
I think my parents are proud and happy that I am so happy.
I think Mike's parents are proud and happy that he is so happy.
I KNOW HE AND I ARE BLESSED.
September 16, my sweet handsome man and I were married at the home of my dear friends Myron and Charles. They live in a lovely house in Wagner Terrace on the river. We were able to be married by the marsh. It was incredible.
In the weeks preceding the ceremony, I had my wedding photos taken by my buddy Vin Duffy (he does an incredible job if anyone is looking for a photographer!!!). On the way to his house I was so overcome with how much I missed having my mother with me during this time. She passed away from lung cancer January 2000. She would have been so much fun! I cried my eyes out, I mean really bawled so hard I couldn't catch my breath. I called my friend in Newport, Deb, and she calmed me down. Actually, just hearing her voice calmed me right down. Funny how we do that for each other, eh? Anyhow, the pictures turned out great, mostly due to the photographer not the model! :)
My friends are so supportive of me. I have never felt so loved and supported as I did during this time in my life. I guess I never thought I would feel that after the death of my parents. I don't really have the words for how safe and cared for they made me feel.
The day was perfect. The time since then has been full of change and hectic activity, but the more I learn about my new husband, the more I love him.
A year ago, we were celebrating our Fakeaversarry on Halloween at the Terrace and we dressed as Mr. Clean and a French Maid. We stayed at the Francis Marion and had a VIP table at the party. I had toooo much champagne, but it was so much fun. This year we celebrated by going to the Fair. With so much happening right now, we decided to be more lowkey this year. Had a great time people watching. We both enjoy that a lot. And we have fun just being together.
We leave November 10 for Oahu, Hawaii! We are staying at the same place I stayed last year, The Outrigger Waikiki On The Beach. CAN NOT WAIT!
We will be gone 9 days for our honeymoon. Woo Hoo!
I think my parents are proud and happy that I am so happy.
I think Mike's parents are proud and happy that he is so happy.
I KNOW HE AND I ARE BLESSED.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Happy Thursday
It's been hard to get back in the habit of writing since my dad passed away. I used this medium to keep my sanity for quite a while. Things in my life are very happy now.
We have started going through things at my dad's house getting it ready to sell. It will take months because I am only doing an hour or 2 a day. I can't deal with much more than that. It is cathartic in a lot of ways.
It's very exciting starting a new life! I can't believe that I have fallen in love with such a wonderful man. Every day he shows me how much he loves me and how good life can be. I've never felt so cherished in my life. It's an incredible feeling of acceptance. I feel like I can accomplish anything!
We took our engagement photos in Mt. Pleasant at Alhambra Hall. They turned out really nice. Great shots of the lowcountry marsh. There was a storm coming up and the clouds in the background were quite spectacular at sunset. I will try to post some soon. Gotta go study, more later
We have started going through things at my dad's house getting it ready to sell. It will take months because I am only doing an hour or 2 a day. I can't deal with much more than that. It is cathartic in a lot of ways.
It's very exciting starting a new life! I can't believe that I have fallen in love with such a wonderful man. Every day he shows me how much he loves me and how good life can be. I've never felt so cherished in my life. It's an incredible feeling of acceptance. I feel like I can accomplish anything!
We took our engagement photos in Mt. Pleasant at Alhambra Hall. They turned out really nice. Great shots of the lowcountry marsh. There was a storm coming up and the clouds in the background were quite spectacular at sunset. I will try to post some soon. Gotta go study, more later
Sunday, July 02, 2006
Baseball, Hotdogs and Music!
Friday night HM and I went to see the Riverdogs with folks from his work. They had a picnic for us. Hot dogs, hamburgers, sodas, beer and chips for an hour before the game. It was so blazing hot! We had a great time inspite of the dismal performance of the Riverdogs against the Rome Braves. There were several small children with the group and they were a lot of fun to watch. The fireworks were epic. I was really surprised at just how impressive they were.
Now on to the really amazing part of the evening. In events that I will detail for you at a later date, HM proposed to me a few days after my father's death. We are getting married September 16th. We have been trying to come up with a first dance song for the reception. He came home a few days ago and suggested Van Morrison "Crazy Love". It is a cool song, but I wasn't sure it was THE one. Well, we walked in The Joe and started over to talk to some friends when I realized the song I could barely hear was "Crazy Love"! I grabbed HM and said "Listen, that's it!". He of course, thought I had lost my mind! I dragged him over to the guy who was playing acoustic guitar by the beer bar and sure enough , he was singing away! It was fate! :) After hearing it live, I changed my mind. I think we will use it after all. The guitarist did a great job. It is really a lovely little song. What do you think?
I can hear her heart beat for a thousand miles
And the heavens open every time she smiles
And when I come to her thats where I belong
Yet Im running to her like a rivers song
Chorus:She give me love, love, love, love, crazy love
She give me love, love, love, love, crazy love
Shes got a fine sense of humor when Im feeling low down
And when I come to her when the sun goes down
Take away my trouble, take away my grief
Take away my heartache, in the night like a thief
Chorus:Yes I need her in the daytime
Yes I need her in the night
Yes I want to throw my arms around her
Kiss her hug her kiss her hug her tight
And when Im returning from so far away
She gives me some sweet lovin brighten up my day
Yes it makes me righteous, yes it makes me feel whole
Yes it makes me mellow down in to my soul
Chorus
Now on to the really amazing part of the evening. In events that I will detail for you at a later date, HM proposed to me a few days after my father's death. We are getting married September 16th. We have been trying to come up with a first dance song for the reception. He came home a few days ago and suggested Van Morrison "Crazy Love". It is a cool song, but I wasn't sure it was THE one. Well, we walked in The Joe and started over to talk to some friends when I realized the song I could barely hear was "Crazy Love"! I grabbed HM and said "Listen, that's it!". He of course, thought I had lost my mind! I dragged him over to the guy who was playing acoustic guitar by the beer bar and sure enough , he was singing away! It was fate! :) After hearing it live, I changed my mind. I think we will use it after all. The guitarist did a great job. It is really a lovely little song. What do you think?
I can hear her heart beat for a thousand miles
And the heavens open every time she smiles
And when I come to her thats where I belong
Yet Im running to her like a rivers song
Chorus:She give me love, love, love, love, crazy love
She give me love, love, love, love, crazy love
Shes got a fine sense of humor when Im feeling low down
And when I come to her when the sun goes down
Take away my trouble, take away my grief
Take away my heartache, in the night like a thief
Chorus:Yes I need her in the daytime
Yes I need her in the night
Yes I want to throw my arms around her
Kiss her hug her kiss her hug her tight
And when Im returning from so far away
She gives me some sweet lovin brighten up my day
Yes it makes me righteous, yes it makes me feel whole
Yes it makes me mellow down in to my soul
Chorus
Sunday, June 25, 2006
On Behalf Of A Grateful Nation
It has been a while since I last posted. I needed a chance to regroup. Life has been moving on at warp speed. Good things mostly, just trying to stay busy. Most days I am doing pretty good I think. I still have the odd crying jag now and again.
I will be writing again, and catching up on all that has occured since last I was here. A quick outline is as follows:
I will be writing again, and catching up on all that has occured since last I was here. A quick outline is as follows:
- Buried my father
- Got engaged
- Taking 18 hours of summer school
- Getting my fathers papers and affairs in order
- Planning a wedding for September of this year
- Trying to get my fiancee's house ready to sell
- Signing a contract on a new house that is being built
- Did I mention 18 hours of summer school? :)
Lots going on. More later. I want to thank you all again for the kind words, calls and emails. They helped a lot and continue to do so.
Sunday, March 26, 2006
And The Journey Is Complete
I believe I wrote my last post around 9am this morning. My father passed away around 10:30 or 11 this morning. He never moved from the position he fell asleep in. I walked in to check on him after my post and he was sleeping, but his breath was very labored, I checked one more time around 10 or 10:30 he was still sleeping. My sister called me about 11 and I told her he was still quiet. After I hung up, I went in and he was gone. He was still very warm and it took me a few minutes to make sure he was really gone. As I touched him, I kept expecting him to look up at me and ask me what I was doing!
I called my sister and while waiting on her to come over, I held his hand and talked to his spirit.
I just told him the same things I had been saying. He was going to be okay now, I was going to be okay without him, I would miss him and he was at peace. The hospice nurse arrived and called the coroner. While we were waiting for the funeral home to come collect the body, the nurse and I washed him up and changed his pajamas to clean ones. I felt so glad to be able to bath his body and clothe it before he left. It felt like the completion of my taking care of him. He was finally at peace and it was an amazing way to be able to say a final goodbye.
Much more happened, I just have to get some rest. We are having the viewing tomorrow night, then travel to Asheville on Tuesday and the burial with full military honors on Wed around 2pm.
Thank you all again for your concern and prayers and thoughts and emails and comments!
Please continue the prayers and good vibes...every little bit helps folks...truly.
I called my sister and while waiting on her to come over, I held his hand and talked to his spirit.
I just told him the same things I had been saying. He was going to be okay now, I was going to be okay without him, I would miss him and he was at peace. The hospice nurse arrived and called the coroner. While we were waiting for the funeral home to come collect the body, the nurse and I washed him up and changed his pajamas to clean ones. I felt so glad to be able to bath his body and clothe it before he left. It felt like the completion of my taking care of him. He was finally at peace and it was an amazing way to be able to say a final goodbye.
Much more happened, I just have to get some rest. We are having the viewing tomorrow night, then travel to Asheville on Tuesday and the burial with full military honors on Wed around 2pm.
Thank you all again for your concern and prayers and thoughts and emails and comments!
Please continue the prayers and good vibes...every little bit helps folks...truly.
Well, I'm Tired And So Weary
Just wanted to give yall an update. Daddy has been sleeping in the same position in his bed, since 2:30 yesterday. He hasn't moved at all. From about 4:30 - 5:30pm yesterday, he was talking in his room to people we couldn't see and he was a little restless, then he stopped moving completely and has been out ever since.
My brother said goodbye to him last night. I would not be surprised if he doesn't regain consciousness. I slept all night for the first time in quite awhile.
I know that I will probably always long to be daddy's little girl again. One of the things I am being made aware of is how much of the man he was is reflected in the woman I am. I pray I can do justice to his legacy.
As I sit here this morning listening to the buzz of the oxygen machine, I miss him already. I miss the sweet, gentle, charming, twinkle blue eyed man who made me laugh out loud and I even miss the cantankerous old bastard who cut me to the quick with a sharp comment or hateful remark....because he always realized later and apologized, usually teary-eyed.
I want to thank you Internet friends for all of your kind and supportive emails and comments. It is incredible to be a part of a global community. From this perspective it is easy to see all over the world we experience many of the same personal, day to day, joys and tragedies. I feel blessed and I am grateful. Please continue the prayers and good vibes all around. Many thanks.
My brother said goodbye to him last night. I would not be surprised if he doesn't regain consciousness. I slept all night for the first time in quite awhile.
I know that I will probably always long to be daddy's little girl again. One of the things I am being made aware of is how much of the man he was is reflected in the woman I am. I pray I can do justice to his legacy.
As I sit here this morning listening to the buzz of the oxygen machine, I miss him already. I miss the sweet, gentle, charming, twinkle blue eyed man who made me laugh out loud and I even miss the cantankerous old bastard who cut me to the quick with a sharp comment or hateful remark....because he always realized later and apologized, usually teary-eyed.
I want to thank you Internet friends for all of your kind and supportive emails and comments. It is incredible to be a part of a global community. From this perspective it is easy to see all over the world we experience many of the same personal, day to day, joys and tragedies. I feel blessed and I am grateful. Please continue the prayers and good vibes all around. Many thanks.
Saturday, March 25, 2006
Hospice Of Charleston
I haven't had the words to write what has been happening here. Too tired....
Daddy is resting right now, his condition has deteriorated so quickly, it is amazing. He is still holding on, for some reason. I ask again for your prayers for his peaceful passage.
We are hanging in as well.
More when I can get my head above water.
THANK YOU! To all of you who have emailed me or commented with good wishes for my family and myself.
Blessings!
Daddy is resting right now, his condition has deteriorated so quickly, it is amazing. He is still holding on, for some reason. I ask again for your prayers for his peaceful passage.
We are hanging in as well.
More when I can get my head above water.
THANK YOU! To all of you who have emailed me or commented with good wishes for my family and myself.
Blessings!
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Send In Your Angels
I opened my eyes this morning and saw Angels....dozens of them. It startled me at first and then it comforted me. I slept on the couch in our living room last night so that I would be able to hear my dad if he needed me. On the walls of our living room are angels...all different kinds of angels. My mom collected them for years. She passed away in January of 2000 after a battle with lung cancer, oddly enough this is where I slept so that I could hear her too.
All of this made me think of when I was a child in church. I never understood why people bowed their heads to pray to God. I always lifted my face up to the heavens. I wanted him to see me. I wanted him to know who it was and look down on me with love and compassion. I felt like I had nothing to be bowed down about. I understood it (or I thought I did) as a sign of respect, of defference. I just always felt and still do that it was more personal than all of that. I was/am a child of God. I lift my face and my voice and my heart and ask for peace for my father. My father is a son of God and as such is ready to come home, he has had a very long arduous journey. Surely it is time.
After a pretty bad day yesterday I phoned my dad's doctor and he recommended we call Hospice. He wants them to do an evaluation. At first I was a little freaked out, but then he explained that they do long term care not just imminent death or pallative care. I know dad is really close to passing on, I just didn't want him to feel like we are abandoning him or giving up on him.
The doctor was very nice and explained it all very well. I told my dad that a nurse was coming in to evaluate him. Then later when we were alone, I broached the subject again. This time I explained it to him until he understood clearly what was happening.
He agreed that we needed help. He feels bad that I am having to shoulder so much of what is being done, but I reminded him that we are in this together and he would do it for me.
It is now 11:45am and he isn't awake. He called me in there a little while ago and we got him bathed, but he is so out of it, I asked him if he wanted to sleep a little longer and he said yes. Why not? I mean, he is comfortable and sleeping at least he isn't stressed about anything that way.
I am hopeful that Hospice can help us insure that he holds on to as much of his dignity as possible. I want him to feel safe and unafraid, at least to the extent that is possible. I want to hear him laugh a little again and have some enjoyment in his life.
GOOD VIBES AND PRAYERS ALL AROUND.
All of this made me think of when I was a child in church. I never understood why people bowed their heads to pray to God. I always lifted my face up to the heavens. I wanted him to see me. I wanted him to know who it was and look down on me with love and compassion. I felt like I had nothing to be bowed down about. I understood it (or I thought I did) as a sign of respect, of defference. I just always felt and still do that it was more personal than all of that. I was/am a child of God. I lift my face and my voice and my heart and ask for peace for my father. My father is a son of God and as such is ready to come home, he has had a very long arduous journey. Surely it is time.
After a pretty bad day yesterday I phoned my dad's doctor and he recommended we call Hospice. He wants them to do an evaluation. At first I was a little freaked out, but then he explained that they do long term care not just imminent death or pallative care. I know dad is really close to passing on, I just didn't want him to feel like we are abandoning him or giving up on him.
The doctor was very nice and explained it all very well. I told my dad that a nurse was coming in to evaluate him. Then later when we were alone, I broached the subject again. This time I explained it to him until he understood clearly what was happening.
He agreed that we needed help. He feels bad that I am having to shoulder so much of what is being done, but I reminded him that we are in this together and he would do it for me.
It is now 11:45am and he isn't awake. He called me in there a little while ago and we got him bathed, but he is so out of it, I asked him if he wanted to sleep a little longer and he said yes. Why not? I mean, he is comfortable and sleeping at least he isn't stressed about anything that way.
I am hopeful that Hospice can help us insure that he holds on to as much of his dignity as possible. I want him to feel safe and unafraid, at least to the extent that is possible. I want to hear him laugh a little again and have some enjoyment in his life.
GOOD VIBES AND PRAYERS ALL AROUND.
Monday, March 20, 2006
4:30AM Bad Night
Went to the hockey game with CS, it was good to be out of the house. We talked a lot about dad and how we both feel he isn't doing well, and won't be around much longer. She and I talked about all kinds of things that we really needed to from some funeral issues to what we thought it would be like splitting up a lifetime of stuff between my sister, my brother and me. We both know my brother won't really be a problem, but my sister in law may be. But whatever, she had no close relationship with either of my parents so she can butt out if it comes to that. Hopefully it won't. My concern was they would rush me out of the house with no time to adjust. CS actually brought it up that we would sell the house when we were ALL ready for it to happen. So that made me feel a lot better. I have lived in this house for 30 years all told. It will be hard to leave it, but the more I think about the possibility of buying it and staying here, I think it would just be too much. I don't know, we'll have to see how I feel down the road, but today in this moment, I want to sell it and start fresh.
We left the game and came home to check on my dad. He seemed okay, pretty alert even. Then we fixed his dinner and he ate about half of it. We waited on HM to come over and the three of us went to Manny's for their Stingrays deal. Buy one order of wings get one free, and 1/2 price pizza. It was great. We didn't stay long and came home.
CS left pretty much right away and so did HM. They both have work tomorrow. I got my stuff together to work on my English paper. Then I realize it is due TONIGHT! OH MY GOSH! So I get dad some water and his pills. (Apparently he couldn't back his wheelchair up 3 feet to get them off the table....not a good sign). I then went into my room to DO my research paper!
I checked on him a few times and then after I sent it in.....later by 5 minutes, I went to help him into bed. This was the worst yet. He didn't take his sleeping pill until he got in the bed, but it was still chaos. He was really weak and really difficult. Finally got him situated and went to bed. I was (am) exhausted from freaking out about my paper and just being emotionally spent.
I wake up about 2:30 to dad calling my name. I open my door and I can smell it before I even get down the hall. He had pooped in his bed. I will spare you the gorey details, but gorey they were. He was crying and groggy from his sleeping pill and it was insane.
How horrific for a grown man to have his daughter have to clean his private area. I felt so sorry for him. I tried to act like it was no big deal. I am not sure what we are going to do. I feel overwhelmed. I am just emotionally exhausted. I don't know what the right thing to do is. He is struggling and he isn't getting any better. He is not rebounding from this hospital visit. I know he won't go until it is his time, but I pray he finds some peace soon. This is no way for him to have to live. I know it could be so much worse. I should be grateful and I am, I just hate it for him.
Thanks Internet for listening. It's now 4:45AM and I really need to get some kind of sleep before tomorrow starts!
We left the game and came home to check on my dad. He seemed okay, pretty alert even. Then we fixed his dinner and he ate about half of it. We waited on HM to come over and the three of us went to Manny's for their Stingrays deal. Buy one order of wings get one free, and 1/2 price pizza. It was great. We didn't stay long and came home.
CS left pretty much right away and so did HM. They both have work tomorrow. I got my stuff together to work on my English paper. Then I realize it is due TONIGHT! OH MY GOSH! So I get dad some water and his pills. (Apparently he couldn't back his wheelchair up 3 feet to get them off the table....not a good sign). I then went into my room to DO my research paper!
I checked on him a few times and then after I sent it in.....later by 5 minutes, I went to help him into bed. This was the worst yet. He didn't take his sleeping pill until he got in the bed, but it was still chaos. He was really weak and really difficult. Finally got him situated and went to bed. I was (am) exhausted from freaking out about my paper and just being emotionally spent.
I wake up about 2:30 to dad calling my name. I open my door and I can smell it before I even get down the hall. He had pooped in his bed. I will spare you the gorey details, but gorey they were. He was crying and groggy from his sleeping pill and it was insane.
How horrific for a grown man to have his daughter have to clean his private area. I felt so sorry for him. I tried to act like it was no big deal. I am not sure what we are going to do. I feel overwhelmed. I am just emotionally exhausted. I don't know what the right thing to do is. He is struggling and he isn't getting any better. He is not rebounding from this hospital visit. I know he won't go until it is his time, but I pray he finds some peace soon. This is no way for him to have to live. I know it could be so much worse. I should be grateful and I am, I just hate it for him.
Thanks Internet for listening. It's now 4:45AM and I really need to get some kind of sleep before tomorrow starts!
Sunday, March 19, 2006
Home From The Hospital
Dad came home from the hospital on Friday, St. Paddy's Day. By the time the doctor came and we were able to get dad squared away, it was 6:00. We got home by around 6:30. HM brought dinner from the Olive Garden for dad and CS stayed with him for a little while so that HM and I could grab a bite to eat at Shoney's. I just needed to get away from daddy for a few minutes. He was incredibly hateful to all the folks at the hospital today, he just wanted to come home. Thank goodness he isn't like that all the time! He was really short with me and a bit nasty. I know that if I were in his shoes I would undoubtedly be much worse!
I am glad he is home, but a bit overwhelmed by what it will be to care for him every day on my own. He is much weaker than he has been. He can't get in or out of bed by himself. He needs all of his meals fixed for him. He has trouble doing the simplest thing for himself. He is really struggling.
Friday night he went to bed before 11pm. HM and I helped him, thank goodness HM is a part of my life. He is an incredible man. Having helped take care of his mom, he gets what this is about. It takes a lot off my mind in a lot of ways. Dad slept until 11:15am Saturday morning. He wouldn't have gotten up then, but I went in and pretty much woke him up.
The day was pretty unremarkable as far as his status goes. In other news....HM and I found the rings that we like! :) WOO HOO! More details as news develops in this breaking story! ;>
Brought dad dinner from Fisherman's Quarter's in Summerville. They have good seafood at reasonable prices. Dad is having a lot of trouble eating. I am worried about this. Many years ago when he was very ill, he developed anorexia. I am hoping this is not the case now.
Dad went to sleep around 11pm again with my help. He woke up this morning around 10:20. He wanted toast and a little debbie for breakfast. Then he slept in his wheelchair for about an hour or so. He wanted the left overs from Olive Garden for lunch around 12:30. I fixed a tiny bowl of the pasta and 3 shrimp on top. He gagged the whole time he was trying to eat. It was hard to watch. He burped and gagged and finally got about 2 shrimp and a bite of pasta down.
He looked like he was about to cry. He then wheeled into the living room and has been asleep really hard since then(2 hours). He is dreaming and sort of growling in his sleep. He is pretty pitiful.
My CS and I are going to a hockey game at 3. I hate to leave him, and need to leave him all at the same time! More later...
I am glad he is home, but a bit overwhelmed by what it will be to care for him every day on my own. He is much weaker than he has been. He can't get in or out of bed by himself. He needs all of his meals fixed for him. He has trouble doing the simplest thing for himself. He is really struggling.
Friday night he went to bed before 11pm. HM and I helped him, thank goodness HM is a part of my life. He is an incredible man. Having helped take care of his mom, he gets what this is about. It takes a lot off my mind in a lot of ways. Dad slept until 11:15am Saturday morning. He wouldn't have gotten up then, but I went in and pretty much woke him up.
The day was pretty unremarkable as far as his status goes. In other news....HM and I found the rings that we like! :) WOO HOO! More details as news develops in this breaking story! ;>
Brought dad dinner from Fisherman's Quarter's in Summerville. They have good seafood at reasonable prices. Dad is having a lot of trouble eating. I am worried about this. Many years ago when he was very ill, he developed anorexia. I am hoping this is not the case now.
Dad went to sleep around 11pm again with my help. He woke up this morning around 10:20. He wanted toast and a little debbie for breakfast. Then he slept in his wheelchair for about an hour or so. He wanted the left overs from Olive Garden for lunch around 12:30. I fixed a tiny bowl of the pasta and 3 shrimp on top. He gagged the whole time he was trying to eat. It was hard to watch. He burped and gagged and finally got about 2 shrimp and a bite of pasta down.
He looked like he was about to cry. He then wheeled into the living room and has been asleep really hard since then(2 hours). He is dreaming and sort of growling in his sleep. He is pretty pitiful.
My CS and I are going to a hockey game at 3. I hate to leave him, and need to leave him all at the same time! More later...
Thursday, March 16, 2006
Perfection Of Resistless Surrender
Whew it has been a heck of a week and it isn't over yet. My CS is at the hospital with daddy today. I have an English class at 1:15, so I am getting a break this morning.
Dad is doing somewhat better. His kidnesy function is much better, he still has some swelling. They have had a hard time keeping his blood pressure up, but he is a lot more alert than he was. He will probably come home in the next day or so. That is such a surprise from where he was just a couple of days ago. The doctors have been pretty straight forward about how sick he is. He is in the final stages of his journey, from what they can tell.
I want to thank those of you who have emailed me or left comments for me. I appreciate your kindness.
Dad is doing somewhat better. His kidnesy function is much better, he still has some swelling. They have had a hard time keeping his blood pressure up, but he is a lot more alert than he was. He will probably come home in the next day or so. That is such a surprise from where he was just a couple of days ago. The doctors have been pretty straight forward about how sick he is. He is in the final stages of his journey, from what they can tell.
I want to thank those of you who have emailed me or left comments for me. I appreciate your kindness.
Monday, March 13, 2006
The Visit From The Preacher Part 2
So, here I am sitting next to my father's hospital bed, he is very out of it. He is sleeping and not easily roused at all. I am typing away on my blog and in comes the preacher that "saved" my dad last week. He introduces himself to me and I tell him we have already met. He says he did seee me, but he hadn't gotten my name. I told him my name and that I was one of my dad's daughters, that he actually had 2 and a son. He asked how dad was, I told him. Then he asked me if I was a member of his church. We will call it Wando Woods Baptist Church, because, well, that's the name of it. ANYHOW, I said Yes sir I have been a member since I was 12 years old.....see....I trumped him....I GOT SAVED AT 12, he told my dad in such a superior tone that he was saved at 14! Nanner, nanner, nanner, I got saved first. Sorry, I digress.
SO then he asks me why he hasn't seen me in church. He said the bible says to be a good Christian you have to go to church. I said, I have a very close personal relationship with God. and I subscribe to the belief that sitting in church doesn't make you a Christian any more than sitting in your garage makes you a car. He didn't like that too much, but smiled a sickly sort of Jim and Tammy Faye Baker smile and said Well, now did you ever think that if everyone thought that way there would be no more church, if there was no church you would never have gotten saved. I said Sir, to my knowledge Jesus didn't have a church. That's good enough for me.
He started to say something else, but I stopped him and said Let's just agree to disagree, this is not the time or the place for this discussion. I appreciate that you came by to pray for my father, why don't we do that.
And so we did. And he left. Ya know, I needed that. It made me a lot less weepy. I guess when my friends ask me how they can help me, I should tell them they need to really piss me off, so that I can get a grip! :) Just kidding, be nice to me....PLEASE. Hugs are not uncalled for.
Have a blessed day.
SO then he asks me why he hasn't seen me in church. He said the bible says to be a good Christian you have to go to church. I said, I have a very close personal relationship with God. and I subscribe to the belief that sitting in church doesn't make you a Christian any more than sitting in your garage makes you a car. He didn't like that too much, but smiled a sickly sort of Jim and Tammy Faye Baker smile and said Well, now did you ever think that if everyone thought that way there would be no more church, if there was no church you would never have gotten saved. I said Sir, to my knowledge Jesus didn't have a church. That's good enough for me.
He started to say something else, but I stopped him and said Let's just agree to disagree, this is not the time or the place for this discussion. I appreciate that you came by to pray for my father, why don't we do that.
And so we did. And he left. Ya know, I needed that. It made me a lot less weepy. I guess when my friends ask me how they can help me, I should tell them they need to really piss me off, so that I can get a grip! :) Just kidding, be nice to me....PLEASE. Hugs are not uncalled for.
Have a blessed day.
Back At Roper With Dad
Friday night dad wasn't feeling to well. CS, HM and I went to the Stingrays game. It was a lot of fun, everyone asked how daddy was doing. I didn't really like leaving him home by himself, but he was fine. We got home and hung out there. HM has been so understanding of my need to make sure dad is okay.
Saturday around lunchtime, dad told me he needed to call the doctor and probably go to the hospital. He was very swollen and having trouble breathing. Dr. Reeves was on call and told me the dosage to give him of his med. So we tried that. Went to the hockey game to get our Trevor Johnson Bobble Head dolls. They actually look to me like Jared Bednar, but whatever.
We got home and dad was doing a bit better. I helped him get undressed and in bed. Sunday morning woke up and dad seemed a bit better, but by the time he had breakfast it was obvious, we needed to call the doctor. He had us go to the ER. They did some blood work and found out that daddy had pneumonia! And that his kidney function is not what it should be, he has dangerously high potassium levels. I was shocked. I understand how it happens, but, it still floored me.
They admitted him and the renal doctor (can't remember his name) came in and said that dad's kidneys were struggling because his heart was so weak. They were going to try to get the potassium levels down and then see what was up. The only real option was dialysis, but he made it clear that wasn't really an option due to dad's low blood pressure and overall health. He told his dad would never be able to get off of the machine and that the procedure itself might kill him.
Daddy is very sick. I'm not sure he is coming home from this one. He keeps sleeping REALLY deeply. When he wakes up he is groggy and says the medicine is making him sleepy. He is a lot sicker than he was just yesterday morning. I guess his heart is just really struggling.
Yesterday in spite of how sick he was, he called HM and SANG Happy Birthday to him. It was so sweet. He was actually in pretty good spirits, probably from being nervous, but still. When he is sweet, he is sooo sweet. You can't help but love him. He has some really great nurses on the 3rd floor here. Many of them know us by now, and they take great care of him. I just wish he would fall asleep and not wake up. I hate that he is having to go through this.
Last night I had to call all the family to tell them what was going on. That was really hard. Just so many questions and so forth. UGH.
My brother is still in Washington, DC. It's hard to know what to tell him to do. He wants some kind of idea of what dad's time line is.....how am I supposed to know that? I know it is hard for him, but I think he has to make his own decisions.
Please keep my father in your prayers, if you will. All good thoughts are appreciated. I just want his journey on to be as peaceful as possible....for all of us.
Saturday around lunchtime, dad told me he needed to call the doctor and probably go to the hospital. He was very swollen and having trouble breathing. Dr. Reeves was on call and told me the dosage to give him of his med. So we tried that. Went to the hockey game to get our Trevor Johnson Bobble Head dolls. They actually look to me like Jared Bednar, but whatever.
We got home and dad was doing a bit better. I helped him get undressed and in bed. Sunday morning woke up and dad seemed a bit better, but by the time he had breakfast it was obvious, we needed to call the doctor. He had us go to the ER. They did some blood work and found out that daddy had pneumonia! And that his kidney function is not what it should be, he has dangerously high potassium levels. I was shocked. I understand how it happens, but, it still floored me.
They admitted him and the renal doctor (can't remember his name) came in and said that dad's kidneys were struggling because his heart was so weak. They were going to try to get the potassium levels down and then see what was up. The only real option was dialysis, but he made it clear that wasn't really an option due to dad's low blood pressure and overall health. He told his dad would never be able to get off of the machine and that the procedure itself might kill him.
Daddy is very sick. I'm not sure he is coming home from this one. He keeps sleeping REALLY deeply. When he wakes up he is groggy and says the medicine is making him sleepy. He is a lot sicker than he was just yesterday morning. I guess his heart is just really struggling.
Yesterday in spite of how sick he was, he called HM and SANG Happy Birthday to him. It was so sweet. He was actually in pretty good spirits, probably from being nervous, but still. When he is sweet, he is sooo sweet. You can't help but love him. He has some really great nurses on the 3rd floor here. Many of them know us by now, and they take great care of him. I just wish he would fall asleep and not wake up. I hate that he is having to go through this.
Last night I had to call all the family to tell them what was going on. That was really hard. Just so many questions and so forth. UGH.
My brother is still in Washington, DC. It's hard to know what to tell him to do. He wants some kind of idea of what dad's time line is.....how am I supposed to know that? I know it is hard for him, but I think he has to make his own decisions.
Please keep my father in your prayers, if you will. All good thoughts are appreciated. I just want his journey on to be as peaceful as possible....for all of us.
Friday, March 10, 2006
No One Gets Out Of Here Alive
Dad had an appointment with the hematologist this morning. Seems that they can and are going to start giving him a shot every 2 weeks to help increase his body's red blood cell count. They can't do anything about the white cell or platelet's count at this point.
He is driving me up the wall today. It is one thing for him to need help, it is another for him to not even do the things he can do for himself. It is very frustrating! I am trying to be patient, but I am running out. I feel very trapped and like I can't finish any of the work I need to do for my life, my schoolwork, etc.
I know I am probably just tired. I have had a bad menstrual enduced headache for 2 days now, so I am pretty sure that is where most of this is coming from. I am just feeling a little overwhelmed right now.
Looks like we are going to go to the hockey game with CS tonight. I could care less about going, I know it will probably be fun, but I am just really tired.
I pray for the strength to not bite my father's head off. I need take the time to be gentle with him, even when he is being infuriating. I also need to leave this house some, to get him to do some things for himself.
As usual, prayers and good vibes graciously accepted. Blessings!
He is driving me up the wall today. It is one thing for him to need help, it is another for him to not even do the things he can do for himself. It is very frustrating! I am trying to be patient, but I am running out. I feel very trapped and like I can't finish any of the work I need to do for my life, my schoolwork, etc.
I know I am probably just tired. I have had a bad menstrual enduced headache for 2 days now, so I am pretty sure that is where most of this is coming from. I am just feeling a little overwhelmed right now.
Looks like we are going to go to the hockey game with CS tonight. I could care less about going, I know it will probably be fun, but I am just really tired.
I pray for the strength to not bite my father's head off. I need take the time to be gentle with him, even when he is being infuriating. I also need to leave this house some, to get him to do some things for himself.
As usual, prayers and good vibes graciously accepted. Blessings!
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