Had a great time in Hawaii

Life has been really wonderful to me and my new husband! :) We had a great time on our honeymoon. I will fill you in as soon as I can. It took me a while to get back in to the swing of things from all the jet lag. Now I have really yucky sinuses, so for about a week I have felt like crap. I'll be posting all the details soon. Thanks for checking back!

We Leave For Hawaii TOMORROW 6am!

WOO HOO! I will try to right a bit tonight; I am off to run errands and lose my mind! Wish me luck! Anyone with any travel or Oahu advice please feel free to email me or comment here with it! I am soooooo excited. Eh and I am getting a cold or sinus thing....gotta stop at doc in a box. Later, L

Dining With Friends

I am having a hard time shaking a sinus thing I picked up last week. I am sick of blowing my nose! We get on a plane for Honolulu on Friday, I need to get this thing over with! Yesterday, I pretty much stayed around the house, didn't feel worth a dang. This morning when I woke up I thought for sure I would be headed to the doctor's office, but as the day went on I felt better. UGH!
Today, I met my friend at Sam's to buy a 12 foot Christmas tree! Just so you know, the darn thing is in a HUGE box. We had to take it out of the box to get it to fit in her car. It was like a Laurel & Hardy scene in the parking lot, but we got it to fit finally.
Tonight Mike and I went to dinner with J & R at Carrabba's, not sure of that spelling, but you get the idea. YUMMY. Mike and I had the Sirloin Marsala with Spaghetti and salad. It was ono. (Hawaiian for delicious) Our friends got the Mahi special and something called Chicken Bryan...this is chicken covered with cheeze...it looked so good! Good food, good service and good company.
Good night!

What A Weekend!

The mush anticipated garage sale went pretty well. Didn't realize that the huge Whale of a Sale was going on at the same time....duh. Anyhow, we sold the big items we really wanted to get rid of, so that was great. We made some $ on stuff we would have otherwise given away or thrown out. We also made a big donation to GoodWill, so everbody was a winner! That is except this incredible woman who came by early in the sale....

She pulled up in her car around the beginning of the sale, around 8am or so. I said "Good morning. How are you this morning?" She responded, "Oh, I am blessed, I am blessed." I said, "Yes ma'am we are all blessed to be alive on such a beautiful sunny morning." She looked some things over, wanted to know what we would take for the computer desk (really large with credenza) that we had marked $25. I told her I was pretty firm on that price, this early in the day. She said, "Well, it is a good price, whoever gets it will surely be blessed, I just can't afford it right now." She walked to the washing machine that was marked $35 and asked if it worked, etc. We said yes that it had been in storage, but when it was last hooked up it worked. She asked if we would hold it for her, she had to go pay a bill and would be right back, she lived around the corner. I said we would need her to pay for it or leave a deposit, then we would be glad to hold it. She said she had to go pay a bill first, she didn't have the money on her and she pulled out $2 asking if we would accept that as a good faith deposit. We finally agreed. She then said, "I have to go pay my bill, cause I don't have any lights, my lights got turned off. I will be back after I pay my bill to pick it up." She left, the sale went on with more people coming and saying they really liked so and so and would be back, my sweet husband believed them all. He is adorable and sweet and it's why I love him, and he is very trusting of people. Some of these folks actually did come back. Without a deposit or payment, we didn't hold stuff for folks. Its just too complicated. So the day went on, we sold the computer desk for $25 and my sweet husband even delivered it for the really nice woman who bought it. She sent her nephew to pick it up in a car and Mike has a truck, so he just followed the young man to her house. We were about to pack it in for the day, around 2:30 or so we were discussing what we were going to do with this VERY HEAVY washing machine. We tried to give it to one of the young men who was working on the house next door. His English was not very good and neither was our Spanish, but he finally told us he had nowhere to actually put it! A little while later a young woman came up with two children, she bought some boots and asked how much we would take for the washing machine, she offered $20 and we took it. She paid me and asked if we could hold it until she brought someone to pick it up. We said sure. Then as she left she asked the guys next door working on the house if they would put it in her truck for her(she spoke Spanish, oh yeah and she was very pretty!) they said yes. So off she went with her purchases. We started packing it in and were almost done around 3:30 or so and the "blessed" lady pulls up. Mike goes to talk to her and I go to get her $2.00 to give back to her. She is really a piece of work! Mike explains that we sold the washing machine and she didn't come back like she said she was going to. I reiterated that when I brought her her money. She didn't say anything more to me, but Mike is so nice and she kept on and on with him about how this was a lesson for us all. She told him she felt "VIOLATED". I can't explain how angry her choice of words makes me...... I am so glad I didn't hear that particular exchange, it makes me angry even now. I want so much to say to her...
You were VIOLATED because we sold the washing machine? VIOLATED? Are you kidding me? What a poor choice of words. Women are violated in great numbers everyday all over the world and I assure you ma'am in this instance you were NOT violated! How dare you?!?!
I need to go take a valium and calm down. :)

Gearing Up For Yard Sale This Weekend

Today, I got a lot of things packed up ready to be moved to the storage shed. Now, I am focusing on the yard sale we are having this weekend. I am currently pricing things and trying to get organized a bit. We are holding it at my sister's house, hoping for more through traffic. It's hard to price things high enough so that people can bargain and low enough so that they are interested in the deal. I have sooooooo many books to sell, I could almost set up a bookstore with what I have on hand. The sad thing is I have just as many I am not selling! :) Whatever, it's an addiction....I do actually read them all! I am also getting rid of a lot of clothes. I found clothes that I have had for over 20 years! Unreal. Anyhow, this whole yard sale thing seems to be a lot of work! I hope we sell at least some of this crap!
In other news, I found out yesterday that my brother is having to have a diffibrulator/pacemaker put in. He will not be coming here for Thanksgiving week now. I hope it all works out for him. I am however kind of glad that they won't be here at that time. Their plan was to be here when Mike and I got back from Hawaii....that would be a great homecoming. Hello, welcome home let's go in the attic and clear it out.....jetlag, HELLO! Between the jetlag and my most recent irritation with my sister in law, I think it is safer for everyone involved that they won't be here. That being said, I do hope his surgery goes okay. It was pretty easy for my dad, so he should do fine. I think it is really shocking to him that he is having to have the surgery. That has to be a very scarey thing. It scares me. Ah well, just more reason to live life to the fullest EVERY DAY. Blessings.

A Place For My Stuff!

On my way to my dad's house to continue packing up all my stuff. I have too much stuff! :) We are trying to sell our house (Mike's in Goose Creek) and at the same time get my dad's house ready to be sold around the first of the year. If you know anyone looking for a nice, completely ready to move into, starter house in Goose Creek email me for the details. My email is acharlestongirl at gmail dot com. You never know how much stuff you have accumulated until you try to pack it all up! We are going to have the first of probably a couple of yard sales this weekend. Wish me luck! More later.

Living Out Loud

Whew, it has been a couple of months since my last post. I have been busier than a one armed paper hanger!

September 16, my sweet handsome man and I were married at the home of my dear friends Myron and Charles. They live in a lovely house in Wagner Terrace on the river. We were able to be married by the marsh. It was incredible.

In the weeks preceding the ceremony, I had my wedding photos taken by my buddy Vin Duffy (he does an incredible job if anyone is looking for a photographer!!!). On the way to his house I was so overcome with how much I missed having my mother with me during this time. She passed away from lung cancer January 2000. She would have been so much fun! I cried my eyes out, I mean really bawled so hard I couldn't catch my breath. I called my friend in Newport, Deb, and she calmed me down. Actually, just hearing her voice calmed me right down. Funny how we do that for each other, eh? Anyhow, the pictures turned out great, mostly due to the photographer not the model! :)

My friends are so supportive of me. I have never felt so loved and supported as I did during this time in my life. I guess I never thought I would feel that after the death of my parents. I don't really have the words for how safe and cared for they made me feel.

The day was perfect. The time since then has been full of change and hectic activity, but the more I learn about my new husband, the more I love him.

A year ago, we were celebrating our Fakeaversarry on Halloween at the Terrace and we dressed as Mr. Clean and a French Maid. We stayed at the Francis Marion and had a VIP table at the party. I had toooo much champagne, but it was so much fun. This year we celebrated by going to the Fair. With so much happening right now, we decided to be more lowkey this year. Had a great time people watching. We both enjoy that a lot. And we have fun just being together.

We leave November 10 for Oahu, Hawaii! We are staying at the same place I stayed last year, The Outrigger Waikiki On The Beach. CAN NOT WAIT!
We will be gone 9 days for our honeymoon. Woo Hoo!

I think my parents are proud and happy that I am so happy.
I think Mike's parents are proud and happy that he is so happy.
I KNOW HE AND I ARE BLESSED.

Happy Thursday

It's been hard to get back in the habit of writing since my dad passed away. I used this medium to keep my sanity for quite a while. Things in my life are very happy now.

We have started going through things at my dad's house getting it ready to sell. It will take months because I am only doing an hour or 2 a day. I can't deal with much more than that. It is cathartic in a lot of ways.

It's very exciting starting a new life! I can't believe that I have fallen in love with such a wonderful man. Every day he shows me how much he loves me and how good life can be. I've never felt so cherished in my life. It's an incredible feeling of acceptance. I feel like I can accomplish anything!

We took our engagement photos in Mt. Pleasant at Alhambra Hall. They turned out really nice. Great shots of the lowcountry marsh. There was a storm coming up and the clouds in the background were quite spectacular at sunset. I will try to post some soon. Gotta go study, more later

Baseball, Hotdogs and Music!

Friday night HM and I went to see the Riverdogs with folks from his work. They had a picnic for us. Hot dogs, hamburgers, sodas, beer and chips for an hour before the game. It was so blazing hot! We had a great time inspite of the dismal performance of the Riverdogs against the Rome Braves. There were several small children with the group and they were a lot of fun to watch. The fireworks were epic. I was really surprised at just how impressive they were.

Now on to the really amazing part of the evening. In events that I will detail for you at a later date, HM proposed to me a few days after my father's death. We are getting married September 16th. We have been trying to come up with a first dance song for the reception. He came home a few days ago and suggested Van Morrison "Crazy Love". It is a cool song, but I wasn't sure it was THE one. Well, we walked in The Joe and started over to talk to some friends when I realized the song I could barely hear was "Crazy Love"! I grabbed HM and said "Listen, that's it!". He of course, thought I had lost my mind! I dragged him over to the guy who was playing acoustic guitar by the beer bar and sure enough , he was singing away! It was fate! :) After hearing it live, I changed my mind. I think we will use it after all. The guitarist did a great job. It is really a lovely little song. What do you think?

I can hear her heart beat for a thousand miles
And the heavens open every time she smiles
And when I come to her thats where I belong
Yet Im running to her like a rivers song

Chorus:She give me love, love, love, love, crazy love
She give me love, love, love, love, crazy love
Shes got a fine sense of humor when Im feeling low down
And when I come to her when the sun goes down
Take away my trouble, take away my grief
Take away my heartache, in the night like a thief

Chorus:Yes I need her in the daytime
Yes I need her in the night
Yes I want to throw my arms around her
Kiss her hug her kiss her hug her tight
And when Im returning from so far away
She gives me some sweet lovin brighten up my day
Yes it makes me righteous, yes it makes me feel whole
Yes it makes me mellow down in to my soul

Chorus

On Behalf Of A Grateful Nation

It has been a while since I last posted. I needed a chance to regroup. Life has been moving on at warp speed. Good things mostly, just trying to stay busy. Most days I am doing pretty good I think. I still have the odd crying jag now and again.
I will be writing again, and catching up on all that has occured since last I was here. A quick outline is as follows:

1. Buried my father
2. Got engaged
3. Taking 18 hours of summer school
4. Getting my fathers papers and affairs in order
5. Planning a wedding for September of this year
6. Trying to get my fiancee's house ready to sell
7. Signing a contract on a new house that is being built
8. Did I mention 18 hours of summer school? :)

Lots going on. More later. I want to thank you all again for the kind words, calls and emails. They helped a lot and continue to do so.

And The Journey Is Complete

I believe I wrote my last post around 9am this morning. My father passed away around 10:30 or 11 this morning. He never moved from the position he fell asleep in. I walked in to check on him after my post and he was sleeping, but his breath was very labored, I checked one more time around 10 or 10:30 he was still sleeping. My sister called me about 11 and I told her he was still quiet. After I hung up, I went in and he was gone. He was still very warm and it took me a few minutes to make sure he was really gone. As I touched him, I kept expecting him to look up at me and ask me what I was doing!

I called my sister and while waiting on her to come over, I held his hand and talked to his spirit.
I just told him the same things I had been saying. He was going to be okay now, I was going to be okay without him, I would miss him and he was at peace. The hospice nurse arrived and called the coroner. While we were waiting for the funeral home to come collect the body, the nurse and I washed him up and changed his pajamas to clean ones. I felt so glad to be able to bath his body and clothe it before he left. It felt like the completion of my taking care of him. He was finally at peace and it was an amazing way to be able to say a final goodbye.

Much more happened, I just have to get some rest. We are having the viewing tomorrow night, then travel to Asheville on Tuesday and the burial with full military honors on Wed around 2pm.

Thank you all again for your concern and prayers and thoughts and emails and comments!
Please continue the prayers and good vibes...every little bit helps folks...truly.

Well, I'm Tired And So Weary

Just wanted to give yall an update. Daddy has been sleeping in the same position in his bed, since 2:30 yesterday. He hasn't moved at all. From about 4:30 - 5:30pm yesterday, he was talking in his room to people we couldn't see and he was a little restless, then he stopped moving completely and has been out ever since.
My brother said goodbye to him last night. I would not be surprised if he doesn't regain consciousness. I slept all night for the first time in quite awhile.
I know that I will probably always long to be daddy's little girl again. One of the things I am being made aware of is how much of the man he was is reflected in the woman I am. I pray I can do justice to his legacy.
As I sit here this morning listening to the buzz of the oxygen machine, I miss him already. I miss the sweet, gentle, charming, twinkle blue eyed man who made me laugh out loud and I even miss the cantankerous old bastard who cut me to the quick with a sharp comment or hateful remark....because he always realized later and apologized, usually teary-eyed.
I want to thank you Internet friends for all of your kind and supportive emails and comments. It is incredible to be a part of a global community. From this perspective it is easy to see all over the world we experience many of the same personal, day to day, joys and tragedies. I feel blessed and I am grateful. Please continue the prayers and good vibes all around. Many thanks.

Hospice Of Charleston

I haven't had the words to write what has been happening here. Too tired....

Daddy is resting right now, his condition has deteriorated so quickly, it is amazing. He is still holding on, for some reason. I ask again for your prayers for his peaceful passage.

We are hanging in as well.

More when I can get my head above water.

THANK YOU! To all of you who have emailed me or commented with good wishes for my family and myself.

Blessings!

Send In Your Angels

I opened my eyes this morning and saw Angels....dozens of them. It startled me at first and then it comforted me. I slept on the couch in our living room last night so that I would be able to hear my dad if he needed me. On the walls of our living room are angels...all different kinds of angels. My mom collected them for years. She passed away in January of 2000 after a battle with lung cancer, oddly enough this is where I slept so that I could hear her too.

All of this made me think of when I was a child in church. I never understood why people bowed their heads to pray to God. I always lifted my face up to the heavens. I wanted him to see me. I wanted him to know who it was and look down on me with love and compassion. I felt like I had nothing to be bowed down about. I understood it (or I thought I did) as a sign of respect, of defference. I just always felt and still do that it was more personal than all of that. I was/am a child of God. I lift my face and my voice and my heart and ask for peace for my father. My father is a son of God and as such is ready to come home, he has had a very long arduous journey. Surely it is time.

After a pretty bad day yesterday I phoned my dad's doctor and he recommended we call Hospice. He wants them to do an evaluation. At first I was a little freaked out, but then he explained that they do long term care not just imminent death or pallative care. I know dad is really close to passing on, I just didn't want him to feel like we are abandoning him or giving up on him.

The doctor was very nice and explained it all very well. I told my dad that a nurse was coming in to evaluate him. Then later when we were alone, I broached the subject again. This time I explained it to him until he understood clearly what was happening.

He agreed that we needed help. He feels bad that I am having to shoulder so much of what is being done, but I reminded him that we are in this together and he would do it for me.

It is now 11:45am and he isn't awake. He called me in there a little while ago and we got him bathed, but he is so out of it, I asked him if he wanted to sleep a little longer and he said yes. Why not? I mean, he is comfortable and sleeping at least he isn't stressed about anything that way.

I am hopeful that Hospice can help us insure that he holds on to as much of his dignity as possible. I want him to feel safe and unafraid, at least to the extent that is possible. I want to hear him laugh a little again and have some enjoyment in his life.
GOOD VIBES AND PRAYERS ALL AROUND.

4:30AM Bad Night

Went to the hockey game with CS, it was good to be out of the house. We talked a lot about dad and how we both feel he isn't doing well, and won't be around much longer. She and I talked about all kinds of things that we really needed to from some funeral issues to what we thought it would be like splitting up a lifetime of stuff between my sister, my brother and me. We both know my brother won't really be a problem, but my sister in law may be. But whatever, she had no close relationship with either of my parents so she can butt out if it comes to that. Hopefully it won't. My concern was they would rush me out of the house with no time to adjust. CS actually brought it up that we would sell the house when we were ALL ready for it to happen. So that made me feel a lot better. I have lived in this house for 30 years all told. It will be hard to leave it, but the more I think about the possibility of buying it and staying here, I think it would just be too much. I don't know, we'll have to see how I feel down the road, but today in this moment, I want to sell it and start fresh.

We left the game and came home to check on my dad. He seemed okay, pretty alert even. Then we fixed his dinner and he ate about half of it. We waited on HM to come over and the three of us went to Manny's for their Stingrays deal. Buy one order of wings get one free, and 1/2 price pizza. It was great. We didn't stay long and came home.

CS left pretty much right away and so did HM. They both have work tomorrow. I got my stuff together to work on my English paper. Then I realize it is due TONIGHT! OH MY GOSH! So I get dad some water and his pills. (Apparently he couldn't back his wheelchair up 3 feet to get them off the table....not a good sign). I then went into my room to DO my research paper!

I checked on him a few times and then after I sent it in.....later by 5 minutes, I went to help him into bed. This was the worst yet. He didn't take his sleeping pill until he got in the bed, but it was still chaos. He was really weak and really difficult. Finally got him situated and went to bed. I was (am) exhausted from freaking out about my paper and just being emotionally spent.

I wake up about 2:30 to dad calling my name. I open my door and I can smell it before I even get down the hall. He had pooped in his bed. I will spare you the gorey details, but gorey they were. He was crying and groggy from his sleeping pill and it was insane.

How horrific for a grown man to have his daughter have to clean his private area. I felt so sorry for him. I tried to act like it was no big deal. I am not sure what we are going to do. I feel overwhelmed. I am just emotionally exhausted. I don't know what the right thing to do is. He is struggling and he isn't getting any better. He is not rebounding from this hospital visit. I know he won't go until it is his time, but I pray he finds some peace soon. This is no way for him to have to live. I know it could be so much worse. I should be grateful and I am, I just hate it for him.

Thanks Internet for listening. It's now 4:45AM and I really need to get some kind of sleep before tomorrow starts!

Home From The Hospital

Dad came home from the hospital on Friday, St. Paddy's Day. By the time the doctor came and we were able to get dad squared away, it was 6:00. We got home by around 6:30. HM brought dinner from the Olive Garden for dad and CS stayed with him for a little while so that HM and I could grab a bite to eat at Shoney's. I just needed to get away from daddy for a few minutes. He was incredibly hateful to all the folks at the hospital today, he just wanted to come home. Thank goodness he isn't like that all the time! He was really short with me and a bit nasty. I know that if I were in his shoes I would undoubtedly be much worse!

I am glad he is home, but a bit overwhelmed by what it will be to care for him every day on my own. He is much weaker than he has been. He can't get in or out of bed by himself. He needs all of his meals fixed for him. He has trouble doing the simplest thing for himself. He is really struggling.

Friday night he went to bed before 11pm. HM and I helped him, thank goodness HM is a part of my life. He is an incredible man. Having helped take care of his mom, he gets what this is about. It takes a lot off my mind in a lot of ways. Dad slept until 11:15am Saturday morning. He wouldn't have gotten up then, but I went in and pretty much woke him up.

The day was pretty unremarkable as far as his status goes. In other news....HM and I found the rings that we like! :) WOO HOO! More details as news develops in this breaking story! ;>
Brought dad dinner from Fisherman's Quarter's in Summerville. They have good seafood at reasonable prices. Dad is having a lot of trouble eating. I am worried about this. Many years ago when he was very ill, he developed anorexia. I am hoping this is not the case now.

Dad went to sleep around 11pm again with my help. He woke up this morning around 10:20. He wanted toast and a little debbie for breakfast. Then he slept in his wheelchair for about an hour or so. He wanted the left overs from Olive Garden for lunch around 12:30. I fixed a tiny bowl of the pasta and 3 shrimp on top. He gagged the whole time he was trying to eat. It was hard to watch. He burped and gagged and finally got about 2 shrimp and a bite of pasta down.

He looked like he was about to cry. He then wheeled into the living room and has been asleep really hard since then(2 hours). He is dreaming and sort of growling in his sleep. He is pretty pitiful.

My CS and I are going to a hockey game at 3. I hate to leave him, and need to leave him all at the same time! More later...

Perfection Of Resistless Surrender

Whew it has been a heck of a week and it isn't over yet. My CS is at the hospital with daddy today. I have an English class at 1:15, so I am getting a break this morning.

Dad is doing somewhat better. His kidnesy function is much better, he still has some swelling. They have had a hard time keeping his blood pressure up, but he is a lot more alert than he was. He will probably come home in the next day or so. That is such a surprise from where he was just a couple of days ago. The doctors have been pretty straight forward about how sick he is. He is in the final stages of his journey, from what they can tell.

I want to thank those of you who have emailed me or left comments for me. I appreciate your kindness.

The Visit From The Preacher Part 2

So, here I am sitting next to my father's hospital bed, he is very out of it. He is sleeping and not easily roused at all. I am typing away on my blog and in comes the preacher that "saved" my dad last week. He introduces himself to me and I tell him we have already met. He says he did seee me, but he hadn't gotten my name. I told him my name and that I was one of my dad's daughters, that he actually had 2 and a son. He asked how dad was, I told him. Then he asked me if I was a member of his church. We will call it Wando Woods Baptist Church, because, well, that's the name of it. ANYHOW, I said Yes sir I have been a member since I was 12 years old.....see....I trumped him....I GOT SAVED AT 12, he told my dad in such a superior tone that he was saved at 14! Nanner, nanner, nanner, I got saved first. Sorry, I digress.

SO then he asks me why he hasn't seen me in church. He said the bible says to be a good Christian you have to go to church. I said, I have a very close personal relationship with God. and I subscribe to the belief that sitting in church doesn't make you a Christian any more than sitting in your garage makes you a car. He didn't like that too much, but smiled a sickly sort of Jim and Tammy Faye Baker smile and said Well, now did you ever think that if everyone thought that way there would be no more church, if there was no church you would never have gotten saved. I said Sir, to my knowledge Jesus didn't have a church. That's good enough for me.

He started to say something else, but I stopped him and said Let's just agree to disagree, this is not the time or the place for this discussion. I appreciate that you came by to pray for my father, why don't we do that.

And so we did. And he left. Ya know, I needed that. It made me a lot less weepy. I guess when my friends ask me how they can help me, I should tell them they need to really piss me off, so that I can get a grip! :) Just kidding, be nice to me....PLEASE. Hugs are not uncalled for.

Have a blessed day.

Back At Roper With Dad

Friday night dad wasn't feeling to well. CS, HM and I went to the Stingrays game. It was a lot of fun, everyone asked how daddy was doing. I didn't really like leaving him home by himself, but he was fine. We got home and hung out there. HM has been so understanding of my need to make sure dad is okay.

Saturday around lunchtime, dad told me he needed to call the doctor and probably go to the hospital. He was very swollen and having trouble breathing. Dr. Reeves was on call and told me the dosage to give him of his med. So we tried that. Went to the hockey game to get our Trevor Johnson Bobble Head dolls. They actually look to me like Jared Bednar, but whatever.

We got home and dad was doing a bit better. I helped him get undressed and in bed. Sunday morning woke up and dad seemed a bit better, but by the time he had breakfast it was obvious, we needed to call the doctor. He had us go to the ER. They did some blood work and found out that daddy had pneumonia! And that his kidney function is not what it should be, he has dangerously high potassium levels. I was shocked. I understand how it happens, but, it still floored me.

They admitted him and the renal doctor (can't remember his name) came in and said that dad's kidneys were struggling because his heart was so weak. They were going to try to get the potassium levels down and then see what was up. The only real option was dialysis, but he made it clear that wasn't really an option due to dad's low blood pressure and overall health. He told his dad would never be able to get off of the machine and that the procedure itself might kill him.

Daddy is very sick. I'm not sure he is coming home from this one. He keeps sleeping REALLY deeply. When he wakes up he is groggy and says the medicine is making him sleepy. He is a lot sicker than he was just yesterday morning. I guess his heart is just really struggling.

Yesterday in spite of how sick he was, he called HM and SANG Happy Birthday to him. It was so sweet. He was actually in pretty good spirits, probably from being nervous, but still. When he is sweet, he is sooo sweet. You can't help but love him. He has some really great nurses on the 3rd floor here. Many of them know us by now, and they take great care of him. I just wish he would fall asleep and not wake up. I hate that he is having to go through this.

Last night I had to call all the family to tell them what was going on. That was really hard. Just so many questions and so forth. UGH.

My brother is still in Washington, DC. It's hard to know what to tell him to do. He wants some kind of idea of what dad's time line is.....how am I supposed to know that? I know it is hard for him, but I think he has to make his own decisions.

Please keep my father in your prayers, if you will. All good thoughts are appreciated. I just want his journey on to be as peaceful as possible....for all of us.

No One Gets Out Of Here Alive

Dad had an appointment with the hematologist this morning. Seems that they can and are going to start giving him a shot every 2 weeks to help increase his body's red blood cell count. They can't do anything about the white cell or platelet's count at this point.

He is driving me up the wall today. It is one thing for him to need help, it is another for him to not even do the things he can do for himself. It is very frustrating! I am trying to be patient, but I am running out. I feel very trapped and like I can't finish any of the work I need to do for my life, my schoolwork, etc.

I know I am probably just tired. I have had a bad menstrual enduced headache for 2 days now, so I am pretty sure that is where most of this is coming from. I am just feeling a little overwhelmed right now.

Looks like we are going to go to the hockey game with CS tonight. I could care less about going, I know it will probably be fun, but I am just really tired.

I pray for the strength to not bite my father's head off. I need take the time to be gentle with him, even when he is being infuriating. I also need to leave this house some, to get him to do some things for himself.

As usual, prayers and good vibes graciously accepted. Blessings!

Each One Teach One

I just came back from my English class. My professor is incredible. I have rarely felt so free to write and edit. She has the wonderful ability to critique the work without making you feel stupid. She is so positive and motivating that she has you feeling like you CAN do well. Her name is Taylor, I think her first name is Kim. I am grateful for her teaching style, her personal style, and for the lucky twist of fate that put me in her class this semester.

We all need cheerleaders in our lives. I feel blessed.

At this point in time, it is difficult for me to focus on much of anything.

When you go out into the world today, tonight or tomorrow, do me a favor. Take a moment to be someone's cheerleader, maybe someone you don't even know. You don't have to get the pom-poms out. Sometimes just a smile and a kind word mean more than you may ever know.
We are all in this together folks. Please take a minute to be just a little bit kinder, just a little bit more gentle. Take a minute to actually acknowledge the people you come in contact with. They deserve it and so do you.
Blessings.

Thursday's Version Of Wednesdays 11 - 20 Things You Can't Tell Just By Looking At Me

I missed my Wednesday deadline for the list. I am moving it to today...lucky you...LOL.

1. I love all kinds of good music. Live shows are my favorite.
2. Going to the Comedy Zone shows is my idea of a fun night. I really like to laugh.
3. The smell of pluff mud, is a good thing to me.
4. My favorite historic home in Charleston is the Joseph Manigault House.
5. I like to go to the movies by myself and get lost in the story.
6. I have migraines when I am under stress.
7. I am certified to teach Pilates.
8. I have taught women's self-defense classes.
9. I can drive a team of mules.
10. When I was a little girl, I was deathly afraid of dogs.

The Visit From The Baptist Preacher

If you are easily offended please do not read the following. If you are not open minded and tolerant DO NOT READ THIS:

LORD PLEASE HAVE MERCY ON MY SOUL.

The Baptist preacher came to visit my father today. After much talking, he asked my dad if he was saved and my dad said no. NO? Dad told him he went to church and had been a member of Emmas Grove Baptist Church since he was a child. Daddy told him he liked gospel music. He told my dad that being a good man wasn't good enough. That living a "Christian" life was not GOOD ENOUGH TO GET HIM INTO HEAVEN. He told my 83 year old daddy that he would not be going to heaven when he died if he didn't take care of that. He told my sweet sickly father that basically the fires of all hell and damnation were waiting just outside the door.

Now perhaps I am going straight to HELL on a luge, but.....WHO DOES THIS GUY THINK HE IS? My father is a very sick man, he is scared enough and this mortal man is judging that my father will not be going to heaven? When did he get that power bestowed upon him?

I guess the good news is my father accepted Jesus Christ as his personal saviour in our livingroom with the preacher. He then told him that he should really be baptized, but that he would be okay without it. But that they could do it even with Dad in the chair, of course he would have to come to the church to the "dunking pool"...I kid you not.

He made my daddy cry and talk about what a sinful life he had led. Now, he was in the Navy for 36 years, and he was in WWII, and Korea. He had seen too much action to be eligible to fight in Vietnam. The list of battles he was involved in was pretty impressive for a Navy man. I am sure he saw some really horrible things and maybe even had to do some.

He grew up dirt poor in NC with his mother. He had a really hard life. Very hard life. He and my mother were married for over 50 years. They loved each other and raised 3 kids. When he retired from the Navy he managed the clubs on the base and gave seminars on stuff like cost control and such. He always lived his life in such a way that people respected him, his word was his bond. People loved him, they were loyal to him and he to them.

My daddy actually said to this preacher "That's probably why I haven't been able to get better. I have prayed to God, but he hasn't been listening because I'm not saved." AND THE PREACHER SAID YOU ARE PROBABLY RIGHT.

So, let me get this straight......God only listens to people who believe exactly the way that you believe? And living a good life, taking care of others, loving people and being a good human being....just doesn't matter at all.

I am so wound up right now I could spit nails and I am just incredulous that this happened. I didn't go in there at all because I knew I would either say too much and embarrass my dad and our family friend who brought the preacher over or if I sat there and was polite and smiled I would have probably had an anyeurism!

Let me apologize to any one who this offends, but I will not apologize for how it made me feel.

Hello, My Name Is CharlestonGirl And I Am Addicted To HGTV

• The Double Take Design Team
• Design On A DimeGCash In The Attic

And all of the other wonderful shows.......tooooooo coooooool.

Trying to get some ideas for OUR "Country House". What I mean by that is the house that HM bought! We and by that I mean HE has really come a long way with the renovations he has been doing. We have had a lot to deal with the past couple of months, but we have time.

ANYWAY, I keep checking all these shows out to see what kind of cool things we can do as we get to them. Yeah, that is my story and I am sticking to it!

In The Sweet By and By

Daddy didn't wake up this morning until after 10:30. He wouldn't have woken then, but the phone rang a couple of times. He was very bleary eyed when he came out of the bedroom and bathroom. Good news is that he actually went to the bathroom pretty well in his urinal last night. And he didn't look toooo swollen this morning. He also seemed to be struggling less for his breath. (that didn't last long)

We had cereal this morning uh, noontime. Then around 2:30 I heated a bowl of the soup that CS made for him and some of the cornbread I made yesterday with a hunk of onion. He ate almost all of it. Everything he is doing is a struggle for him, it is difficult to watch. Bless his heart, he is trying to stay positive and upbeat.

We called to make sure the doctor hadn't moved his office and then headed out. It was quite an interesting little trek. Took some thinking to figure out how to take all the things we needed with us. It's our firs trip out without the leg and with the oxygen tank. We survived.

The good news is the urologist says nothing is wrong from his standpoint. So that's good. We do go for a renal ultrasound next week just to make sure and we visit him again in 3 months.

Dad just gets so obsessed with the whole bathroom peeing, pooping etc. It is a relief that there isn't anything wrong with him.

It has been difficult not seeing HM the past couple of days. I miss him. I miss him holding me in his arms. It's surprising to me how much that one simple thing takes so much of the stress from my body. I am blessed to have such a good man in my life.

This was not a remotely upbeat post....sorry Internet. Tomorrow is another day.
Blessings all around. Good night.

And The Oscar Goes To.....

Watching the Oscars! George Clooney won for best supporting actor for Syrianna. Dang he is a handsome man. He looks like a throwback to the old Cary Grant handsome actor days. I saw many of the movies nominated for the various categories, but I think I will make a list of the others that I need to see. I love movies so much.

Larry McMurtry won for best adapted screenplay for Brokeback Mountain! Uma Thurman glided out to present the award for best screenplay. She is stunning. She is wearing the most beautiful glam gown of the night. Crash won for that. Didn't see it, but it looks good. Best Director: Ang Lee for Brokeback Mountain! WOO HOO! Loved that movie and he is an incredible director.

Jack Nicholson doesn't age anymore. He looks the same as he has for a LONG TIME. He is presenting Best Motion Picture Of The Year. PS His voice is very sexy. He is so devilish looking. CRASH won the best picture! WOW, that came out of nowhere. Man, people thought Brokeback or Goodnight and Good Luck....WOW. Now I have to go see it!

I didn't mention the award given to Robert Altman. He received an Honorary Oscar. The funny thing about that was the presentation by Meryl Streep and Lily Tomlin. They did a great schtik. They came out talking over each other, actually layer with each other. It was a play on the way his movie dialogue is always all wrapped around itself. They were so funny. Those two are masters of their craft, no doubt.

Reese Witherspoon is the cutest thing! She won for Walk The Line. Her speech was the best of the night in my opinion. She commented about June Carter that she was a "real woman". And I loved the quote she gave of June Carter's. When someone would ask June how she was doing, she would respond, "I'm just tryin to matter." WOW. Isn't that pretty profound for a little country gal?

I'm just tryin to matter too. Daddy had a pretty difficult day today. Not sure what tomorrow will bring.

Time for bed. Prayers please for us all.

Saturday With Dad

Saturday morning I set my alarm early. HM called just as I woke up. We chatted a bit and then I took my pillow out to the living room and lay on the couch. I could hear my dad as he got up and rolled into the bathroom. I was a bit worried because he is unable to wear his prothesis and he is pretty weak right now. When he came into the living room he still had his pajamas on. He told me he wasn't getting dressed today. OKAY

I made him a nice breakfast of eggs, bacon and toast with peanut butter. He loved it and was very appreciative. In fact he was really sweet all day...thank goodness. I changed his bandage and did some English homework.

I just knew I wouldn't get to go spend some time with HM today. I really miss being alone with him, curled up in his arms. Circumstances have conspired to keep us celibate of late. UGH

Dad actually wanted a bologna, cheese and tomato sandwich for lunch. You have to understand, my dad never eats sandwiches, he is not a big bread guy. He seemed to like it though, he ate most of it.

HM very sweetly drove his broken truck to see me at dad's house. He is the sweetest man ever. I love him. Anyhow, it was good to just spend time with him. It helps when I am freaked out about daddy to have someone who loves me there to just hold my hand sometimes.

Daddy is just too fragile to be alone for very long. A lot of it is mental, but the reality is he almost fell today in the bathroom. He is very weak and it is difficult for him to do the simplest of things.

I hope we don't go back into the hospital this week, but I have a feeling we will.

On another random note: We watched some true crime show last night about this armed robbery of a wells fargo like truck in Las Vegas. The woman who was involved was named Heather Tallchief. She has been on the run for something like 12 years and decided to turn herself in. She has a 10 year old son with the man who was the mastermind behind the whole thing. She told this story about how he virtually hypnotised her into doing his bidding. Serious mind control. It was one of the weirdest things ever. They were no where near catching up to her and she turned herself in and with some kind of plea bargain is looking at 30 years in prison.

Here is the question....would you turn yourself in if you knew you would do prison time?

My answer is NO WAY. Not a chance. She had been gone 12 years! 12 YEARS and they were not close to finding her...no where near. They had no idea where she was. It was apparently the perfect crime. They still don't know where the guy is and neither does she. WEIRD. What would you do?

Another Day

This morning started in a very dramatic way. I heard my dad call my name from the bathroom. When I opened the door he was sitting on the toilet unable to stand up. I tried to help him stand like he normall would and he couldn't at all. I think he fell asleep sitting on the toilet and his leg went to sleep. I had to pick him up under his arms and sit him in his wheelchair. He was so upset, really scared.

Got him in his chair and wheeled him into his room where there was more of a pull up bar so he could sort of stand and I could hold him while I pulled up his pants. I also got the oxygen on him and just had him sit there for a few minutes. He was really shakey.

It scared him that he couldn't move. He did have the phone right next to him, but he was still really upset. He kept asking me what would happen to him if I wasn't there. I told him, he had his phone and there was help easily at hand.

While I was making his lunch, he was telling me how weak he felt and that he had too much company yesterday. About that time the doorbell rand and I told him I didn't care who it was, I thought he should go ahead and eat his lunch. Turns out it was the volunteer from Roper to install his Roper Lifeline. It is a button he wears around his neck that he can push and they will try to contact him, if they can't they then call folks he has listed on his sheet. If he needs the police or an ambulance, they call that too. It will give him more of a sense of security and that's a good thing.

The rest of the day went well, I took two tests for my computer class. The chapter work I don't know what I made, but I think I got an A. The EXAM, I made a 97! Woo Hoo!

HM and I, Bulldog J, his wife, Music Mama D and CS went to see Tim Wilson at The Plex. If you have a chance to go see him, HE IS SO FUNNY! He is a total trip.
HM's truck needed some work, so CS and I went to pick him up. We got stuck in some serious I-26 traffic. A normally 15 minute drive wound up taking us 45 minutes.

We finally made it to The Plex. The security guys wanded us and then we went in.
We stopped to grab a beer and went to look for our seats. We ran into J and he showed us where the others were. We went over and were trying to decide where each of us would sit. We finally got it worked out and HM sat down behind D. Well.....he sat doooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwn....the chair broke into 5 pieces and HM hit the floor. He jumped up and bowed. People clapped! The DJ put a spotlight on us! Thank goodness he wasn unhurt. It was hysterical for the rest of us though. In their defense, the staff was all over it. They made sure he was okay, brought him another chair, actually 2 other chairs and bought him a beer. I know they were covering their ass, but still, they did a good job of it.

Due to the added attention, some other friends of ours that were there saw us and came over to chat. Lawn Man and his girlfriend were there with other friends of HM. It was good to see them again. Before we knew it the lights were going down for the opening act.

Gene Ward was the painfully unfunny opening act. He went on and on and got very few laughs. He was horrific. He opened for Tim Wilson the last time we saw him. He was really bad then, I couldn't believe he was still opening for him and that he hadn't gotten any better. If anything he was worse.

Tim Wilson came on next and he was HYSTERICAL! I LOVED HIM! We all laughed till we hurt. It was a very good time had by all.

We left there and took CS home, then HM and I dropped off some stuff at Sandy's and Clyde's. Then I took him home and regrettably left him to go home. I called him as I left and we chatted until I got home. When I got in Daddy was sitting at the kitchen table and calling me to come in there. I hung up with HM and went in. Dad had a really bad cut on his stump. It looked like his prosthesis hadn't been on quite right. It had bled all into the sleeve of the prosthesis. I cleaned and bandaged it. He had already taken his sleeping pill and was starting to get punch drunk. I had to pretty much put him in the bed. I felt so bad for him. What would have happened if I hadn't come home? Bless his heart.

What does "I love you" mean?

Last night a dear friend of mine and I were talking about what it means when someone says I love you. What can you then expect from them? What are they committing to you? What are the levels of love? How do we each define it and why?

We talked for a long time. He just got a Dear John letter (and no his name isn't John!). He went from planning a life with this person to suddenly being dumped pretty unilaterally. No discussion, no explanation really, just see yah.

I thought about what it means when I tell someone I love them. First you need to understand that from the time I was a small child, I always felt that it was very important that people knew how I felt about them. The people I love, know it. Now for me there is friend love and nurturing sister I have chosen love and lover/life partner love and parent love and sibling love to name a few.

The one common bond I found with all of these types of love, the final bottom line statement would be "I won't walk away". That says it completely for me. It means that no matter what I will not walk away. I will stand and deliver. I will ask questions when I am hurt, I will talk about problems that come up. My real friends know that they can talk to me about anything. Short of something horrible they have done to a small child or an animal there is nothing they can tell me to change my feelings for them. I am in their corner. I may not always agree with the choices that they make or the things they do, but I don't have to. I still love the person. And I expect that, no I demand that in return. And lucky me.....I mostly get it.

I think that is the reason I have such longlasting, longstanding friendships. Atlanta A and I have been friends for 37 years! Indiana M and I have been friends for 20 years. Halfass and I have been friends for 16 years, Bulldog J and I, 15 years, Music Mama D and I, 16 years, etc.

HM is an extraordinary man, he is so secure in us that he isn't intimidated by the friendships I have. That is one of the reasons he and I can be together so easily. I know for sure that he and I can disagree and still not walk away. We will work it out. We love each other. I am sure of it.

I have some of the best friends in the whole world. And when I say I love you, I mean it.

Ma'am do you have your receipt?

Another beautiful day in the Unholy City! Dad was in his glory as he had lots of visitors today! Almost too many, he was really worn out when they left, but he was so glad to see them all. CS came over with the girls (her poodles) and dropped them off while she went to do some errands. Dad was pretty good today, but dang if he isn't really obnoxious much of the time. Today was another day that I wanted to pinch his head off, but so far I have refrained. Yay me!

Left the house to run some errands. The curtains HM and I got a few weeks ago needed to be returned. I had them in the bag we got them in and went to Wal Mart with the receipt. At least that is what I thought I was supposed to do. Turns out uh....yeah...the curtains actually came from K-Mart! Dumbass! I told the lady behind the counter, "Ma'am, I am truly not trying to get something over on you, I am in fact just that stupid." She cracked up and my work there was done.

I decided to try to get dad's groceries while I was there. Mission accomplished! I also ran in to the wife of one of the guys HM shoots pool with. She offered to show me how to sew some curtains! Truth is I would love to know, but right now I don't have any patience left at all.

Dropped off the groceries and headed to CS's house. She just got dsl cable internet. I helped her get her email account set up and generally figure out how it worked for her. We laughed a lot and that was really good. I needed that. She sees how dad is being and I am glad. We called HM to meet us for dinner.

We went to Brecks in the North Area. They have a great steak special, nothing fancy, but good food. HM had a filet, butterfly cut, a baked potato, peas, salad and tea, I had ribeye, baked potato, green beans, salad and water and it was $19 and some change....less than $20.
That is a deal in my book.

We left and I took CS home. As I was leaving her driveway I realized I didn't have my cell phone. I parked and went in to call Brecks to see if they had found it. CS was glad I stopped because she was having problems with her email! I worked on that while she called Breaks and sure enough, they had my phone.

I got her email squared away after a call to tech support, then called HM to let him know what was happening. He wanted to go get it for me, but that didn't make any sense really, as I needed it. He also doesn't really like the idea of me out shopping late at night (9:00pm). That is just something he will have to deal with. I am careful, but I am not willing to end my evening early or not go someplace by myself after dark. That lets criminals win. I am very careful and take percautions, but I won't be staying inside cause it's dark! :) I travelled to Toronto, Detroit, and Honolulu by myself and walked around at night....Charleston will be no problem! :) (I hope!) Anyhow, he very sweetly offered to meet me at KMart when I told him I was going to take the curtains back (and yes, I admitted to him my earlier idiocy). But I told him I would take care of it then head home.

So that was my crazy night. My mind is going in a million different directions. I feel a little bit off kilter, out of sorts. Weird, but I guess it will pass. Lot's of stuff going on.

A friend of mine called me today to let me know he was alive and back at work. He is so hard on himself and he means a lot to me. Really great guy. Glad he is still hanging in there. Every day is a new day to do the right thing, to be a better person, to care a little more, to give a little more. My ferverent prayer is that we each in our own way look for the light in each other.

Wednesday's 1 - 10 of 50 Things You Can't Tell By Looking At Me

1. I am in love with an adorable man.
2. I could eat boiled shrimp every day of my life!
3. I have an unexplainable sexual attraction to Ron White the comedian.
4. I am a sports fan. I love MLB, hockey, football, golf, you get the idea :).
5. I got to see Elvis Presley in concert at the Asheville, NC Civic Center! It was surreal people were crying and by people I mean me too!
6. I have been friends with Atlanta A for 37 years. We grew up down the street from each other.
7. I love to travel on my own. You meet really cool people and they open up to you and show you things they ordinarily wouldn't.
8. A man once offered me $100 for the honor of brushing my hair....it was in Harrah's in New Orleans and it freaked me the hell out! And NO I didn't let him do it!
9. I have ridden an elephant.
10. I have taken batting practice at The Joe!

Now, don't you feel like we have bonded a little? Tell me about you. Email me at ACharlestonGirl@gmail.com

Dad Comes Home

Dad was able to come home yesterday! They did the bone marrow biopsy first thing in the morning, it went very well. We spent the rest of the day...until 3 something waiting on him to pee. Yepper, we couldn't leave until he was able to pee after they took the catheter out. My dad was so obnoxiously grumpy about the whole thing. He was convinced he could go home and pee there. He tried to sweet talk them, charm them and then eventually was just ugly to them about the whole thing. Finally he was able to do just a little bit and we were released!

A guy with ABC Medical came to the room before we left to bring us a portable oxygen unit and explain how that works. When we left we called their office and a rep met us at home to give us a unit that runs 24/7. It is quite a set up. The whole thing is on wheels and is about the size of a mini fridg. The pain in the ass is the tubing....with dad in a wheel chair, he is having trouble not running over it as he goes down the hall. He doesn't have to use it all the time, just when he feels like he needs it. I am happy that he finally has it, I don't think it is an answer, but it will give him a more secure feeling, knowing it's there.

In other news...oh that's right there is no other news...I have no life....poor pitiful me....

And that isn't quite true! Last night CS came over to hang out with Dad a bit and give me a break. I went to watch HM shoot pool in his league. They were playing at Willies. When I got there I treated one of his teammates and talked to him about how to make his back feel better. I needed a beer and went to the bar to get one for HM and me. The bartender was arguing with some guy at the bar about him paying his tab. Apparently, he gave her a credit card that wouldn't go through and he was stalling. She was standing there waiting and she looked at me, I said Coors Light and Bud light. She looked all pissy and said Just wait, I am really busy, hang on. I was like Uh, okay. At the time I was thinking there were only 3 other people at the bar besides me. Two guys with there drinks already, the guy she was talking to and me. This woman would never survive as a bartender in your average bar. No ability to do more than one thing at a time. An ability that I would be demonstrating myself, soon enough.

She finally came over to me and asked what I wanted. I told her and in the meantime my phone rang it was my friend who just had a baby. She was calling to ask me how dad was doing and if I was okay. We were deep in serious conversation when the bill was brought to me. I figured the tip signed it and she took her copy. I put the receipt in my purse and took the beers to HM. I got off the phone with my friend and thanked her for being so sweet to check up on me.

I watched HM shoot a game and we chatted a bit, but I was so distracted thinking of dad and all that had gone on this past week. I was just exhausted. I decided to head on home. I called dad and told him I would pick up a milkshake for him. He was excited! :) As I got my money out for the shake, I noticed the receipt from Willies! That bitch had charged me $12.75 for TWO BEERS! I tried to call HM and it went right to voice mail, so I turned my happy ass around and went back to the bar.

HM happened to be at the bar getting some water when I came in. I told him what happened he kept telling me how sorry he was, but he had nothing to do with it at all. While I was waiting for her to wait on me, I watched her try to steal money from someone else. She didn't give a woman her change.....now that would seem like an accident, except it was several dollars and the woman was standing right there. The bartender was awful and not too smooth either! LOL
So I show her the receipt and tell her she overcharged me considerably for two beers. She doesn't apologize, she says Do you want something else? I said NO,what I want is a credit for the full amount. She couldn't figure out how to do that. Hello! Whatever! She asked if it was okay to give me the cash difference. I said Yes, I want the full amount less the beer. How much was the beer? She told me the beer was $5.00 so I told her I wanted the $10.75 back. That would mean leaving her no tip. I ALWAYS LEAVE A TIP! Usually 20% or more. I was pretty ticked off though. THEN she only gave me $10.00 and said Thank You. I looked at HM and I knew I was being a bitch, but just didn't care. I said Oh I guess the 75 cents you are keeping as a tip? She looked at me surprised and said Oh, uh, here you go. And I took it! I left her nothing because I totally think she was trying to take my money! BITCH Ah well, lessoned learned....Pay Attention To What You Are Signing!

Also, as an aside. Today is freakin beautiful outside! 70's LOVE IT!
Have a beautiful day and don't sign anything you haven't really looked at. And uh, yeah, be grateful you can pee and breathe whenever you want to!

I VANT TO DRINK YOUR BLOOD...and other random droplets!

Back here at the hospital this morning early. Not sure what is gonna go on today. The hematologist wants to do a bone marrow biopsy and is waiting on the coumadin levels for my dad to be safe enough to do the procedure. They haven't started weening him off the dopamine yet, that has to happen before he could possibly come home. For some reason I feel that every day he stays here, the more dangerous it is for him. Weird, I know. I am wondering, even though he is about the same, all things considered, if he is going to come home at all.

I have been thinking, what would that be like? What would happen? What would we do at that point? Just things that are running through my mind.

I was supposed to have jury duty today. This is about the fourth time that I have had to cancel due to daddy being in the hospital. I expect any day that they will send a warrant for my arrest! :)

My CS doesn't seem to like the hematologist that is going to be working with us. I like him. We will have to see I guess. His name is Oscroft I think. He seems to really have his stuff together. I like his plans so far. He feels like he may be able to help a bit. I am all for helping dad feel better for however long he has....days, weeks, months or years.

George Michael was just arrested on drug charges according to FOXNEWS....why do I care?

Apparently there has been a security breach at the Long Beach, CA airport. All flights there have been suspended....scary.

Oprah gave her talk yesterday here in Charleston. The tickets were $125 a piece and sold out in minutes, then were sold on ebay for $800 in some cases! People who saw her thought it was more than worth it. I guess it is fair to say that she doesn't make a dime on the venture. Just the fact that she was here put $$ in the local coffers. I am excited to know that she donated $25,000 to the local Center For Women and that she and her foundations donated money to several other important local charities for women and children especially. Diane Sawyer and her husband Gary Trudeau were on hand for the event, as was Darius Rucker(hometown Hootie).

Spent the past two nights with HM. Nice to have someone to come home too right now. It is nice to be able to take a peek at the future. Trying to hold it all together. Keep the good vibes coming. And thanks to those of you who have emailed me recently with your kind words both about my writing and my situation with my dad. It is nice to experience the internet as a village of hope. I am humbled and very grateful.

There Will Be Peace In The Valley For Me Someday

That is the song they played at my mother's funeral service, it is the song they played at her fathers funeral service and it is stuck in my mind the past few days.

Shortly after my mother had passed away from a horrific 6 1/2 month battle with lung cancer, my dad, my sister and I went to Asheville. We were there for the church homecoming, I believe it was September.

Emmas Grove Baptist Church was founded by my great great grandparents and when I was little, I was related to almost all of the folks that worshipped there. Either we were related of my parents had grown up with them,there in Fairview.

Homecoming is the time of the old "dinner on the ground" for the church. A celebration of family and ties to the community, etc. My dad wanted to go, so we took him. It was quite an experience for my sister and I! We survived it however it wasn't always easy.

During the church service there is even more music than usual. As something of a tribute to my mom, the male singer decided he would do "Peace In The Valley". As soon as he started the song, I looked at my daddy, sitting in his wheelchair in the aisle next to our pew. He was crying. He looked so frail and lost. He and my mom were married 54 years and knew each other all of their lives. I started to cry a little bit, but thought I could get it under control. My cousin Lura was sitting next to me and held my hand patting it and put her arm around me. I lost it. I had to leave the sanctuary. I went downstairs and outside and I cried so hard from the bottom of my soul. I felt my mother and I MISSED HER so much in that moment, I didn't think I would be able to bear it.

I walked out into the graveyard next to the church. I sat down in my nice church skirt in the grass next to my mothers tombstone. I put my hand on the stone and realized very quickly that I had no ties to that rock and that plot. I understood then, as I thought I had already known, that my mother wasn't there, she was wherever I was. She was as easy to reach as she had ever been. I got up and walked to my grandmother's tombstone. Again, I felt the same way.

What I realized in those moments is that I missed them in a very visceral way. I longed to touch them and be held by them. I STILL DO. I'm not sure you ever get over the loss of your mother, your best friend. MY MOTHER, MY BESTFRIEND.

There are so many things I want to share with her every day. The way I feel about dad being sick, how excited I am about school, the trouble I am having getting rid of all this weight, the joy I am having writing again, and last, but not least, the love of the man in my life and our future plans. These are things I want her counsel on.

I want her to lay her hand on my forehead and speak to me in her soothing voice. I want her to laugh with me about something stupid on TV. I want her to be silly with me. I want her to fuss at me about something dumb I have done. I want to hug her close to me and call her "my little momma".

She has been gone since January of 2000. I miss her EVERY DAY. I think of her many times a day. It is getting less excruciatingly painful.....that sounds dramatic, but for a long time it was difficult for me to breath when I thought of her death. Now it is less painful. I more often think of the good times than of her dying now. That is progress. The loss is still pretty raw....but no longer hemorrhaging. For that and so many things I remain eternally grateful.

Well, the beast of the wild will be led by a little child, and I'll be changed from this creature that I am...

Well the cardiovascular doc Dr. Ellison, just came in and let us know that they found a few things that they want to look in to. His red blood cell count is down and his platelette count is down. They are going to bring in a Hematologist for a consult, to see if there is anything they can do to get those up a bit. The hope is that will make him feel better. He said that this is a very big strain on his heart. He told dad that if everything continues to go okay, he will probably go home on Monday. Dad has been so pitiful today. I think that Dr. Ellison saw that today too.

I just feel exhausted. I can't really focus on anything and at the same time my mind is on everything. It is a little overwhelming really. I am trying to make sure I get all of my school work done correctly and on time. I am trying to study during the day at the hospital and then do the stuff I have to do on the computer when I get home. I am online at the hospital now, but the tests I have to do when I won't be interrupted. In talking to HM, I feel guilty a bit cause I can't really spend time with him like I would like to. He is very understanding, but I am very solitary in some of this. It is the only way I know to deal with it all. I can't afford to give in to letting someone else take care of me. I have to hold it together for my dad, for my family. It's hard to explain really.

My sister is really doing pretty good with all of this, I know she is sad, but so are we all.

There'll be sadness, no sorrow, Oh My Lordy no trouble, trouble I'll see....

Sitting here in my dad's hospital room. He is sleeping soooo hard. He has been sleeping since I got here. He woke up for a few minutes to talk to is friend that came to visit him, but it was hard to keep him awake to talk.

Yesterday the doctor came in and was really nice to dad. He said they were trying to get the fluid down. I spoke to him at the nurses station. I told him dad wasn't himself, that he had been sleeping a lot more than usual. He told me it is because dad's heart is "so crummy". He said his heart is just so weak, it can't get blood to everywhere it needs to. I said, "So this is just where we are?" He said "I wish I could tell you differently, but yes, it is. There really isn't anything we can do about his atrial fibrilation because his blood pressure is so low." I asked him if we are almost at the end of this road and he said he hated to speculate at how long daddy has, because he could easily be wrong. He did say that given his relatively rapid decline in the last six months that he believed that it wouldn't be too long. He genuinely seemed sorry that he couldn't help him. He also said that most folks with CHF just go to sleep and don't wake up. I hope that is what happens for daddy.

Say a little prayer for us. Whoever it is you pray to. Good vibes are also appreciated! :)

We Gotta Get Outta This Place-The Who WHO?

So today started out pretty easy, HM called to tell me the days he could go see his son. I am making them reservations so I needed the exact dates. I started reading my computer book, I have a test this week on Excel. I was about to take the exam online when I heard my father. He called me into the hall and told me he just couldn't breathe and needed to go to the hospital. I took one look at him and called his cardiologist. Naturally we missed him by like 15 minutes, he had left for the day. His nurse is so sweet, she told me to go ahead and take dad to the hospital and have them do the work up, one of the doctors in the practice would come see him.

We got to the ER and it was slammed. They took him pretty much right away. I had just parked the car and come back in and they called his name. We were there for about 5 1/2 hours all together. Dad's blood pressure was dangerously low and he had atrial diffibrilation, irregular heartbeat. That is so weird to me because he does have a pacemaker....how does that work? Anyhow, the doctor that came to talk to him was a hottie! :) Not sure that that should matter, but yeah, it did! Doc admitted him and upstairs we went. To give you an idea of how busy the ER was, they had folks up and down the halls. Many of these people were much sicker than my dad. It was really swamped. Also, the Director Of The ER is the person who took us to our room, if that tells you anything! Everyone was working very hard and they were all fantastic to us the whole time.

We keep having to come back to the hospital and dad is really getting discouraged. I am too, I guess. I just hate that he is having to go through all of this. I just wish him peace.

I wish us all peace.

Good Morning. Bulldog Tours, may I help you?

I had forgotten the kind of fun you have working with the public in tourism. I submit the following for your enjoyment:

• Uh, so you do tours? YES, genius, that's why it's called Bulldog TOURS and not Bulldog FLORISTS!
• Is it going to rain? I don't know, let me check my MAGIC EIGHT BALL.
• Are we gonna see some ghosts on this tour? Well, that all depends on how many more PBR's you have there buddy.
• Will my children be scared? Having never met your children...how the hell do I know what scares them?

There a about a million more, but I will stop there for now. Some people might see my responses as too mean or snooty, but when you are asked these same questions over and over, it's like your head will explode if you can't respond the way you really want to!

People (myself included) go on vacation and leave their brains at home. It happens to the best of us. When I was in Hawaii, I prefaced some of my questions with "Forgive me for asking you this really obvious and touristy question, but......". People laughed and then answered in very good humor. It goes right along with walking right in the middle of the street. Driving down the street at 1 mile an hour sightseeing and carrying a camera everywhere.

Living in Charleston, we are sort of conditioned to TOURONS. We group them all together as one big entity. They drive us insane. They infuriate us. They make it harder to get in to the best restaurants whenever we want to. They clog up the roads and the sidewalks. AND

THEY PAY OUR BILLS!

Never forget that. They hold up our economy in their very hands. BE PATIENT! :)

A Day At WORK LOL

Worked over at the Bulldog Tours for my buddy John. We both figured it would be a slow day and I could study etc. Well, we figured wrong! It was weird being in the shop that I used to be in everyday. It was the same, but different. Luckily, I still had the key to the shop on my key chain, so that was easy.

The phone started ringing right away. I made a few reservations for the weekend and realized I no longer knew the computer password! :) Eric called me with the info I needed pretty quickly, so no worries. Then it was quiet for a bit, I checked my college info. And chatted with the cast of characters from PCW that came by to say hello to me. I hadn't seen most of them since my last day at work. It was good to catch up.

Then the deluge started! The phone rang off the hook and I actually had a line in the shop! Really too funny. Then after about 30 minutes....nothing. The good news is I just randomly tried to sign up for classes and the system let me in! :) According to the calendar, you were only supposed to be able to register for classes if you already had 40 hours! SO COOL! I got every class I wanted! WOO HOO!

I even paid for them first thing this morning. My financial aid showed up, so I only had to pay the remainder. I decieded there really wasn't any reason to wait. Now all I have to do is pass the classes I am currently taken and I am all set! :)

About the time I got through with all that stuff, Christy got there to take over for me so I was all done. Now THAT is a good day at "work".

Delta Moon/Tinsley Ellis

Last night HM and I went over to The Pour House to check out Tinsley Ellis with opening act Delta Moon. It was a fantastic show. This was our first visit to this venue. It was really set up right for a listening room. I had a bit of a deja vu experience...reminded me of the old Myskyns. We got there around 10 just as Delta Moon was about to take the stage. HM had time to grab a beer and we had a perfect spot to stand pretty much center stage about 5 or 6 folks back.

Delta Moon is a 5 piece band out of Atlanta. Let me just say....they rocked the house. We bought the cd and listened to it on the way home. www.deltamoon.com
Can't wait for them to play locally again! If you have a chance, check them out.

Tinsley Ellis took the stage about 11:15ish. He looked healthier than he has in a long time, in my opinion. It may be just that fact that he cut his long hair. He looks 100% better with his hair the way it is now. He started out rocking and never looked back. The crowd was in to him from the start.

I have to be honest though. He looked like he phoned it in. He is still one of the best guitar guys around, but he had some kind of disconnect that I can't put my finger on. He is a smart guy though. He has a young drummer and a young keyboard guy and they both are full of energy and passion. The keyboard guy is a young "Jerry Lee Lewis type" hot likkin' player. The drummer...man how to describe this guy. Alternately, he was in the zone and grinning like a Cheshire cat while playing. They both really put on quite a show all by themselves. Great additions to Tinsley's act.

Now to the crowd. Pretty full house, mostly older 40's and up, with a smattering of college kids. Everyone having a good time, some toooo good a time. Having worked in bars for a few years, I have one suggestion. They need better bouncers or bouncers at all! :) There was a drunk guy that climbed on stage....never should have happened. Also, there was almost an altercation concerning HM that if a bouncer was present (as in paying attention) should have been dealt with. It shouldn't be up to the crowd to police your drunks! :) Anyhow, HM has a cool head and a pretty serious "really, don't F#*K with me" stare that seemed to work wonders!
There were also a few interactions that we witnessed that could have easily gone bad, they just need a security presence that would stop alot of that crap.

We had a fun day yesterday, all day long. We met my CS (crazy sister) for lunch at Kellys Barbeque in Summerville. Everything we do is an adventure......sooooooooo
what should have taken us about 15 minutes to get there....took 40 minutes!
Yeah, my beloved is directionally challenged! And everytime this happens (yes, it has happened before)I say that I am going to ask him how he is going to get to wherever we are going before we leave the driveway. I always forget and just assume he knows how to go. NOT A GOOD IDEA>>>>>>
:) He knows where the place is, usually...he just doesnt' usually know exactly how to get there. Or the remotely shortest way to a location. He says he doesn't mind it if I were to tell him the best way to go. Lucky thing, cause I see it happening a lot in our future! :) Ya gotta love it. I was giggling so much by the time we got there I was almost crying...it was hysterical to me that it took us that long to get there!

Anyway, lunch was lovely. They have a great buffet and I think it's only $7.95. Baked chicken, fried chicken, pulled barbeque, hash, white rice, green beans, macaroni and cheese, potato and cheese casserole, cole slaw, etc. We left there and went to The Home Show at the Fairgrounds. WHAT A WASTE OF TIME. It was free and the parking was free and we still paid tooooo much! Then CS went on about her day and HM and I went to the Flea Market next door. That was an experience! Not too much I was interested in. I did find some antique Charleston Prints that I thought were cool. $100 for the set of four small prints by Elizabeth O'Neil Verner. And two Japanese Spice jars hand painted antique for $80.

I didn't buy them, but they were cool nonetheless. We left there and went to look at rings! WEDDING RINGS, there I said it. We found one that we both really liked! It has 9 diamonds set in a gold band. :) I am excited, scared, happy, weirded out. All of the above!

We came home and took a nap.....I love a nap. Then went to the show. Fun day. I hope that the future holds many more adventures and a lot
more laughter and love.

School Days, School Days

For those of you who don't know, in January I decided to go back to college to get my RN. At 41, don't know what the heck I was thinkin. Actually I do know what I was thinkin, I want to be able to take care of myself in my old age! Being a free spirit is a wonderful thing! I have pretty much lived my life for the experiences I could be a part of. I have never taken a job for the money. I have let my heart and passions guide me. Truth be told, I never expected to live to 40. For some reason, I felt that I would not live to old age. Who knows? Maybe I won't, but I am getting older.

I have never worried too much about what I will do for a living as an older person or how I will be able to provide for myself. This past year I sort of became obsessed with it.

After giving it a lot of thought, I decided that to become a nurse would be the fastest way for me to put myself in a position to make the most amount of money. Hopefully it will work out. Currently I am in school at Trident waiting on the waiting list! :)

Later today, I will post some of the comedy that has ensued!

My Very Happy Daddy On Valentine's Day

My Very Happy Daddy On Valentine's Day
This is the best picture of my dad in I can't remember how long! He was having a great time. The cute little singing turtle was a gift to him from my very handsome sweetheart M.
He looks so good. His head is pulled pretty far over to his right, but he is enjoying himself and is more upright than normal. He can lift his head straight, just not for very long. Every good day is a blessing. Every smile is priceless. Every time I hear that damn song...."I'm just a Love Machine....yeah baby..." I want to crush the furry cute little turtle into a million pieces....
Just kidding...kind of. And how was your day? :)

My Beautiful Valentine Tiara...Yes, I Said TIARA

My Beautiful Valentine Roses

Charleston Events

Every couple of days I am going to update a list of events coming up in my city by the sea, Charleston, South Carolina.

This weekend really kicks of the tourist season for most folks, including the carriage companies.

• The Southeastern Wildlife Expo is this weekend Friday - Sunday, 10am - 6pm all over town. Since 1983 the city is filled with "Duck People" as we affectionately (or not) call them. Traffic will be a nightmare and if you want to eat dinner on the peninsula make your reservations now! There are vendors, crafts, fine art and demonstrations. My favorite is always the Retriever demonstrations (Saturday 10:30 & 3:00 at Marion Square)! I also think the Purina Dog Chow Incredible Dog Team will be cool, Saturday, 12noon at Marion Square This year Jack Hanna will be doing a demonstration Saturday, 3pm at The Gailliard Auditorium for more information you can go to www.sewe.com.
• The LowCountry Blues Bash www.bluesbash.com has been going on since 2/10. Since 1991, national and local musicians have come together to lay it down for us at venues all over town, every night. Check out Tinsley Ellis (www.tinsleyellis.com) at The Pour House on Saturday, 2/18, with a great band called Delta Moon, opening up for him. www.charlestonpourhouse.com This place has been consistently bringing in great live music to the area. Check them out when you can.
• The Citadel will be playing the College Of Charleston in basket ball at home on Thursday, 2/16. Back in the day, when I was at COC this was THE place to be, I imagine not much has changed. Game time 7:15
• Saturdays this winter Fleet Landing is having Bucket of Oysters: $7.50 Bucket of Domestic Beer (6): $10.00 Bucket of Imported or Micro Brew Beer (6): $13.00. www.fleetlanding.net

More to come as I find them. If you have any tips to share, please do so. I love to hear live music. Gotta go get some sleep. Night yall!

Pink Goodness

Valentine's Day was wonderful for me this year. In fact it is the best Valentine's Day in recent memory. HM left beautiful red goodie bags for me and Crazy Sis! He also left a gift for my daddy! What a sweetheart, right? Anyhow, when I woke up and came down the hall, my dad told me to look on the table in the kitchen. There were a dozen beautiful red roses that HM had delivered! GORGEOUS! Then I gave Dad his gift and card. It was one of those stuffed animals that sings. In this case a cute turtle that sings "I'm just a love machine and I won't work for nobody but you." (Great now I have that damn thing stuck in my head again!)

I took my goodie back into the living room and opened it with my dad looking on. It was wonderful and full of really thoughtful stuff. Christmas in February! One of the things he got that I thought was fantastic was an "Official Penalty Flag". You know, one of those yellow flags the officals throw down during a football game when someone is doing something stupid. See on Superbowl Sunday we made the comment during the game that it sure would be nice to have those for everyday use. Somebody doing something you find offensive? Throw down the penalty flag!

He also got me a lovely Tiara, that I had on my head when he picked me up for dinner! :) We got our picture taken with me wearing it....classy broad, I tell ya! He also got my CS the same kind of stocking stuffer stuff and a lovely tiara all her own.

We went to dinner at Poogan's Porch ( www.poogansporch.com ). It was incredibly delicious! Poogan's is one of my all time favorite restaurants in Charleston. I had stuffed chicken and he had crisp salmon. I really like the atmosphere. We had time for a drink at the tiny bar before we were seated. HM is such a romantic guy. I so enjoy just being with him.

We talked at dinner about our future and where we see this going. We are on the same page and that is very comforting to say the least. I haven't ever been here before. I am so excited about what the future holds for us together.

We left Poogan's and went back to his house and listened to a CD he made me not too long after we started seeing each other. It is much more meaningful now. It will take some doing to make it happen, given my responsibilities where my dad is concerned. But I gotta say, I love that man! :)

Hawaii Dreaming

I am listening to the internet broadcast from www.hawaiianrainbow.com lovely Hawaiian music for this crazy cold day. This picture was taken on Waikiki from Duke's at The Outrigger On The Beach. Lovely place, full of great folks and Lava Flow drinks....YUM! Today's high is supposed to be 51 the low 25! 25 degrees! Holy crap! For those of you that live where it is REALLY cold, I apologize. You have to understand though, I live in SOUTH Carolina. I want to be warm. The coldest I ever really want it to be is about 65. Yep, that's it 65 degrees. None of this "I can see my breath" crap! I DO NOT WANT TO SEE MY BREATH.....EVER!

The latest in my how stupid can one woman be and still be in college....
I had my first research paper due in English on February 13. Yep, that would be today. HOWEVER.....at a closer inspection.....the paper is due February 13 at 12:00AM! Who does that? All of my other online classes have their assignments and tests set up to be due at 11:59PM of whatever date they choose.
Point is, if I hadn't randomly looked at the calendar one last time yesterday as I was going out the door to meet HM, I would have been royally screwed. I submitted it yesterday, I hope it is okay. That MLA format stuff is all new to me. I have a feeling I screwed that part up, but the writing aspect, I am happy with.
Don Ho is ancient and has been really sick. I am listening to him singing right now, that guy had an awesome voice in his day. There is also this guy named Moe Keale.....he is fantastic. These guys are smooooooooooth.....like buttah. I wanna go back to the islands. I would leave right now if I could. Man, I need some sand gravity in a very bad way. I HATE WINTER. :)

Brokeback Mountain

HM and I had date night tonight. I worked on my endless school work until 5:00. He came to pick me up and we went to Red Lobster for dinner. LOL Yeah, I know. But actually the food was good. I had the baked talapia with veggies and salad and he had fish stew and a flounder/salmon platter. We had limited time before our movie and it was across the street. That's my story and I am sticking to it. We left there and went to see Brokeback Mountain. I was surprised at how well the story is told. I kept thinking how Heath Ledger's character reminds me of a very good friend of mine. Real manly guy, hunts and fishes a lot with his buddies....I crack up every time I think of it. He is very much like this guy. That would be a real kick in the pants if he was gay. Anyhow, the movie was shot beautifully. Lots of wonderfully expressive scenery. HM liked it pretty well too. We left there and went to his/our house. He is such a romantic. When he opened the door for me, he stepped back for me to go inside. I stepped into the living room and there were rose petals, pink and red, leading to the bedroom and all over the white bedspread on the bed! Also there were pink and red heart balloons all about the room. This guy is a keeper! He is so incredibly thoughtful and sweet. The night was perfect. He brought me home around 1:30. We talked to his son in Washington State as we pulled into the driveway of my house. Soldier boy just finished boot camp a month or so ago and was sent to Seattle for more training. He was really excited he got checked out to drive a HUMVEE. I just hope he stays out of harms way. He is a great kid, just barely out of highschool. Ah well..... After HM left, I took my next computer class exam. I made an 87, not bad, but the 4 questions I missed, 2 of them, I know the answer, but couldn't make the damn computer do the operation. SOOOOOO frustrating. Now, I am off to bed. Really nice day.....:)

Just A Word About The Superbowl

Watched the Superbowl with HM at Fastbreak in Summerville. Private party in this little dive pool hall. The food was incredible. Steamship round, boiled shrimp, vegetables, fruit, salad, rolls. All the food and drinks you wanted. We were in several football pools...we had lousy numbers and won no money. We did have a great time.
The game was pretty good. We had great seats and could even hear what was going on thanks to some creative stool standing engineering! Thanks Dennis! The commercials were pretty good. My favorite was the Budweiser barn, where the colt tries to pull the wagon. Of course I loved that one! :)
The one thing that really got to me was Mick Jagger! Now, I love the Rolling Stones and Mick and the boys are still hanging in there. In Mick's case "hanging" is the right word! The man in 62 for the love of God! He was more than a little winded runnig around the stage. I give it to him for trying. He gave it a shot. I thought he did okay until he took off his long sleeved shirt. He had old man jiggle in his arms.....that waddle that women of a certain age cannot get rid of no matter how many weights they lift....he looked good other than that. The problem is he just kep jiggling it...EWWWWWWW! It's official...TIME IS NO LONGER ON HIS SIDE.

4 MEME

I stole this MEME from Dooce, here : http://www.dooce.com/archives/daily/02_01_2006.html

Four Jobs I've Had:

1. Carriage Driver/Tour Guide
2. Massage Therapist For A Pro Hockey Team
3. Customer Service Rep For A Company That Sold Radiators For Hummers To The Military And Freightliner Trucks
4. Scrap Metal Brokerage Accounting Manager

Four Movies I Can Watch Over And Over

1. Bull Durham
2. Tombstone
3. ANY Elvis Movie
4. The Last Of The Mohicans

Four Places I Have Traveled

1. Hawaii (twice)
2. Toronto
3. Chicago
4. Sioux Falls, South Dakota

Four TV Shows I Love

1. Grey's Anatomy
2. LOST
3. CSI
4. NCIS

Four Foods/Dishes I Love

1. Boiled Shrimp
2. Crab Legs
3. Mahi-Mahi
4. Ribeye

Four Sites I Visit Daily

1. Nothing But Bonfires
2. Where's Hawkins
3. Microfamous
4. Hawaii.com

Four Places I Would Rather Be

1. Sitting At The Barefoot Bar at Duke's Waikiki talking to Davy, Jake and Dustin drinking a Lava Flow or six.
2. Lying in bed at the house in GC cuddled up to HM watching a movie.
3. Listening to some live music at a local bar with friends.
4. Having a cocktail and conversation with Ron White, Javy Lopez, or Terry Bradshaw... ;>

Compare? No need. We have a winner.

Ran into an ex last night at the bar HM was shooting pool in. It was great to see The Chef again! The reaction or lack there of was comforting to me. I was genuinely glad to see him and introduce him to HM. Sounds loopy, I know. Unfortunately they didn't get to meet, Chef "had to go check on his kids...his wife is out of town". He was probably at the bar looking to score (a woman, drugs, whatever) and was chastened by seeing me. :)

There have been very few times in my life when I have been with a man I cared about so much that I didn't look for more. It's nice to be in a place of contentment. I really miss HM when we aren't together. I love the way he holds me. He is so attentive when we together. What more could I want? Thank goodness Brain was smart enough to help me see I had to let go of idea of one man to give the reality of this wonderful man a fighting chance. It was worth the risk.

I look forward to the future with HM. He makes me laugh. I feel safe with him. Everything we do is an adventure. I can see us growing old together. I've never been here before and I really like it! This relationship has made me reevaluate my thoughts on marriage, I hear me saying

I DO!

Welcome To The International

I really needed to get drunk last night, after the day Dad and I had. Well, HM came over and we went out to dinner around 9pm. We had a couple of beers and then stopped by this dive bar right across the street from my neighborhood. I called Dad during and after dinner to check on him. He was going to bed, so we had a couple of drinks and talked inside the dive bar.

They were having Kareoke(sp?). It was quite a hoot. This isn't a rough bar, but it is populated with rough looking people...bikers, crack heads, truck drivers, old sad tired looking alcoholic women and men, and just your average joe and jane. It's not a place I would go into by myself and have a drink.

We were just about to leave about 11:30, when in walks these two guys that went to school with us. I knew one of them HM knew them both. (We went to the same highschool, HM is 2 years older than me) We had the best time with those guys catching up on old times. And there were so many characters in this place that kept interacting with us. A really drunk gay older guy that looked at HM like he wanted to eat him up. (ROFLMAO) And of course I made some new friends....lets seee.....the really drunk black guy named Challs (charles) who kept buying us drinks and telling HM I was the prettiest woman on the room....and that he wasn't a nigga he was Indian and raising his shirt to show me his "pecan tan"! Then there was Sheila, who kept pulling me up to dance....I finally did twice, it was fun. She is " a surgeon"....uh huh...yeah..okay. Her husband Gary who is actually her 3rd husband and "younger by a few years", who has a very weak stomach, he went outside and puked when a transvestite hit on his sister..... his sister Corrina who is a tough looking chick with really tight white stretch pants on and a pierced tongue. The transvestite likes women....and her/his name is the Pink Panther. Seriously, you couldn't make this shit up!

Next up would be Spud...yep, Spud, he thinks he can sing...he can't. And Joanne who showed up to tell us all that it took her 3 hours to find the place....she was a little plump and she had on a black cocktail dress and proceeded to get on the phone and tell someone she was "performing at The International tonight, you should come". Then she too sang really badly, but I give her credit, her stage presence was very Judy Garland....sadly the voice was more Foster Brooks! ;) Drunk gay man came up to our table and just stood there.....finally I said, Can I help you? He looked at HM and our two friends and back at me and said "I am probably in no man's land here right?" I nodded and said"That's right, I am thinking the answer to your unasked question is no. Bye-bye." He laughed and left. Then he almost got in a fight with a military guy from the 82nd Airborne who was sitting at the bar trying his best to pick up the bartender...or any other decent looking woman. When I went to the bathroom he was telling the bartender how this guy was so freaking drunk and he was afraid he was going to have to fight him or the drunk black/indian guy. He looked at me and I said he is really drunk isn't he. So when the bartender goes into the bathroom, he starts talking to me. He has a great tatoo of the 82nd insignia on his bicep. He says when he goes out, which isn't often...uh huh...one of 3 things happens. One he meets a woman that likes him, two, he meets a....(and I said Gay man that likes you)...he started laughing and said You sure are an honest woman, yes that's right. Or three he gets in a fight. So, I talked to him for a few minutes about how nothing that those 2 drunk guys could do would be worth going to the brig. He was very appreciative and kept sending us over drinks.

Oh, did I mention that one of the waitresses is dating an old highschool boyfriend of mine? LOL Yep, and she is realllllllyyyyyy creeeeeeepy looooookinnnnnggggg! lol HM was teasing me about it all night. He said he was continually amazed out how I handled myself with people. Years of working in bars has stood me in good stead. I think I am a pretty good cooler and people just talk to me, as you know! I did not seek any of these meetings out and yet when we left we knew all these folks. It was so much fun and so hysterical. The only time HM had to step in was a couple of stiff arms to the black/indian guy that got just a little too close to me when he was leaning over talking. It was perfect and understated, he did it in a totally cool way. One of our friend sitting with us told HM, "Damn, you should bring her with you all the time, we haven't paid for drink one!" HM and I left at 2:15! Then we sat and talked at my house until 4:00am. He is so much fun and such a great guy. Everything we do is an adventure!