Monday, February 27, 2006

I VANT TO DRINK YOUR BLOOD...and other random droplets!

Back here at the hospital this morning early. Not sure what is gonna go on today. The hematologist wants to do a bone marrow biopsy and is waiting on the coumadin levels for my dad to be safe enough to do the procedure. They haven't started weening him off the dopamine yet, that has to happen before he could possibly come home. For some reason I feel that every day he stays here, the more dangerous it is for him. Weird, I know. I am wondering, even though he is about the same, all things considered, if he is going to come home at all.

I have been thinking, what would that be like? What would happen? What would we do at that point? Just things that are running through my mind.

I was supposed to have jury duty today. This is about the fourth time that I have had to cancel due to daddy being in the hospital. I expect any day that they will send a warrant for my arrest! :)

My CS doesn't seem to like the hematologist that is going to be working with us. I like him. We will have to see I guess. His name is Oscroft I think. He seems to really have his stuff together. I like his plans so far. He feels like he may be able to help a bit. I am all for helping dad feel better for however long he has....days, weeks, months or years.

George Michael was just arrested on drug charges according to FOXNEWS....why do I care?

Apparently there has been a security breach at the Long Beach, CA airport. All flights there have been suspended....scary.

Oprah gave her talk yesterday here in Charleston. The tickets were $125 a piece and sold out in minutes, then were sold on ebay for $800 in some cases! People who saw her thought it was more than worth it. I guess it is fair to say that she doesn't make a dime on the venture. Just the fact that she was here put $$ in the local coffers. I am excited to know that she donated $25,000 to the local Center For Women and that she and her foundations donated money to several other important local charities for women and children especially. Diane Sawyer and her husband Gary Trudeau were on hand for the event, as was Darius Rucker(hometown Hootie).

Spent the past two nights with HM. Nice to have someone to come home too right now. It is nice to be able to take a peek at the future. Trying to hold it all together. Keep the good vibes coming. And thanks to those of you who have emailed me recently with your kind words both about my writing and my situation with my dad. It is nice to experience the internet as a village of hope. I am humbled and very grateful.

Saturday, February 25, 2006

There Will Be Peace In The Valley For Me Someday

That is the song they played at my mother's funeral service, it is the song they played at her fathers funeral service and it is stuck in my mind the past few days.

Shortly after my mother had passed away from a horrific 6 1/2 month battle with lung cancer, my dad, my sister and I went to Asheville. We were there for the church homecoming, I believe it was September.

Emmas Grove Baptist Church was founded by my great great grandparents and when I was little, I was related to almost all of the folks that worshipped there. Either we were related of my parents had grown up with them,there in Fairview.

Homecoming is the time of the old "dinner on the ground" for the church. A celebration of family and ties to the community, etc. My dad wanted to go, so we took him. It was quite an experience for my sister and I! We survived it however it wasn't always easy.

During the church service there is even more music than usual. As something of a tribute to my mom, the male singer decided he would do "Peace In The Valley". As soon as he started the song, I looked at my daddy, sitting in his wheelchair in the aisle next to our pew. He was crying. He looked so frail and lost. He and my mom were married 54 years and knew each other all of their lives. I started to cry a little bit, but thought I could get it under control. My cousin Lura was sitting next to me and held my hand patting it and put her arm around me. I lost it. I had to leave the sanctuary. I went downstairs and outside and I cried so hard from the bottom of my soul. I felt my mother and I MISSED HER so much in that moment, I didn't think I would be able to bear it.

I walked out into the graveyard next to the church. I sat down in my nice church skirt in the grass next to my mothers tombstone. I put my hand on the stone and realized very quickly that I had no ties to that rock and that plot. I understood then, as I thought I had already known, that my mother wasn't there, she was wherever I was. She was as easy to reach as she had ever been. I got up and walked to my grandmother's tombstone. Again, I felt the same way.

What I realized in those moments is that I missed them in a very visceral way. I longed to touch them and be held by them. I STILL DO. I'm not sure you ever get over the loss of your mother, your best friend. MY MOTHER, MY BESTFRIEND.

There are so many things I want to share with her every day. The way I feel about dad being sick, how excited I am about school, the trouble I am having getting rid of all this weight, the joy I am having writing again, and last, but not least, the love of the man in my life and our future plans. These are things I want her counsel on.

I want her to lay her hand on my forehead and speak to me in her soothing voice. I want her to laugh with me about something stupid on TV. I want her to be silly with me. I want her to fuss at me about something dumb I have done. I want to hug her close to me and call her "my little momma".

She has been gone since January of 2000. I miss her EVERY DAY. I think of her many times a day. It is getting less excruciatingly painful.....that sounds dramatic, but for a long time it was difficult for me to breath when I thought of her death. Now it is less painful. I more often think of the good times than of her dying now. That is progress. The loss is still pretty raw....but no longer hemorrhaging. For that and so many things I remain eternally grateful.

Friday, February 24, 2006

Well, the beast of the wild will be led by a little child, and I'll be changed from this creature that I am...

Well the cardiovascular doc Dr. Ellison, just came in and let us know that they found a few things that they want to look in to. His red blood cell count is down and his platelette count is down. They are going to bring in a Hematologist for a consult, to see if there is anything they can do to get those up a bit. The hope is that will make him feel better. He said that this is a very big strain on his heart. He told dad that if everything continues to go okay, he will probably go home on Monday. Dad has been so pitiful today. I think that Dr. Ellison saw that today too.

I just feel exhausted. I can't really focus on anything and at the same time my mind is on everything. It is a little overwhelming really. I am trying to make sure I get all of my school work done correctly and on time. I am trying to study during the day at the hospital and then do the stuff I have to do on the computer when I get home. I am online at the hospital now, but the tests I have to do when I won't be interrupted. In talking to HM, I feel guilty a bit cause I can't really spend time with him like I would like to. He is very understanding, but I am very solitary in some of this. It is the only way I know to deal with it all. I can't afford to give in to letting someone else take care of me. I have to hold it together for my dad, for my family. It's hard to explain really.

My sister is really doing pretty good with all of this, I know she is sad, but so are we all.

There'll be sadness, no sorrow, Oh My Lordy no trouble, trouble I'll see....

Sitting here in my dad's hospital room. He is sleeping soooo hard. He has been sleeping since I got here. He woke up for a few minutes to talk to is friend that came to visit him, but it was hard to keep him awake to talk.

Yesterday the doctor came in and was really nice to dad. He said they were trying to get the fluid down. I spoke to him at the nurses station. I told him dad wasn't himself, that he had been sleeping a lot more than usual. He told me it is because dad's heart is "so crummy". He said his heart is just so weak, it can't get blood to everywhere it needs to. I said, "So this is just where we are?" He said "I wish I could tell you differently, but yes, it is. There really isn't anything we can do about his atrial fibrilation because his blood pressure is so low." I asked him if we are almost at the end of this road and he said he hated to speculate at how long daddy has, because he could easily be wrong. He did say that given his relatively rapid decline in the last six months that he believed that it wouldn't be too long. He genuinely seemed sorry that he couldn't help him. He also said that most folks with CHF just go to sleep and don't wake up. I hope that is what happens for daddy.

Say a little prayer for us. Whoever it is you pray to. Good vibes are also appreciated! :)

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

We Gotta Get Outta This Place-The Who WHO?

So today started out pretty easy, HM called to tell me the days he could go see his son. I am making them reservations so I needed the exact dates. I started reading my computer book, I have a test this week on Excel. I was about to take the exam online when I heard my father. He called me into the hall and told me he just couldn't breathe and needed to go to the hospital. I took one look at him and called his cardiologist. Naturally we missed him by like 15 minutes, he had left for the day. His nurse is so sweet, she told me to go ahead and take dad to the hospital and have them do the work up, one of the doctors in the practice would come see him.

We got to the ER and it was slammed. They took him pretty much right away. I had just parked the car and come back in and they called his name. We were there for about 5 1/2 hours all together. Dad's blood pressure was dangerously low and he had atrial diffibrilation, irregular heartbeat. That is so weird to me because he does have a does that work? Anyhow, the doctor that came to talk to him was a hottie! :) Not sure that that should matter, but yeah, it did! Doc admitted him and upstairs we went. To give you an idea of how busy the ER was, they had folks up and down the halls. Many of these people were much sicker than my dad. It was really swamped. Also, the Director Of The ER is the person who took us to our room, if that tells you anything! Everyone was working very hard and they were all fantastic to us the whole time.

We keep having to come back to the hospital and dad is really getting discouraged. I am too, I guess. I just hate that he is having to go through all of this. I just wish him peace.
I wish us all peace.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Good Morning. Bulldog Tours, may I help you?

I had forgotten the kind of fun you have working with the public in tourism. I submit the following for your enjoyment:

  • Uh, so you do tours? YES, genius, that's why it's called Bulldog TOURS and not Bulldog FLORISTS!
  • Is it going to rain? I don't know, let me check my MAGIC EIGHT BALL.
  • Are we gonna see some ghosts on this tour? Well, that all depends on how many more PBR's you have there buddy.
  • Will my children be scared? Having never met your the hell do I know what scares them?

There a about a million more, but I will stop there for now. Some people might see my responses as too mean or snooty, but when you are asked these same questions over and over, it's like your head will explode if you can't respond the way you really want to!

People (myself included) go on vacation and leave their brains at home. It happens to the best of us. When I was in Hawaii, I prefaced some of my questions with "Forgive me for asking you this really obvious and touristy question, but......". People laughed and then answered in very good humor. It goes right along with walking right in the middle of the street. Driving down the street at 1 mile an hour sightseeing and carrying a camera everywhere.

Living in Charleston, we are sort of conditioned to TOURONS. We group them all together as one big entity. They drive us insane. They infuriate us. They make it harder to get in to the best restaurants whenever we want to. They clog up the roads and the sidewalks. AND


Never forget that. They hold up our economy in their very hands. BE PATIENT! :)


Worked over at the Bulldog Tours for my buddy John. We both figured it would be a slow day and I could study etc. Well, we figured wrong! It was weird being in the shop that I used to be in everyday. It was the same, but different. Luckily, I still had the key to the shop on my key chain, so that was easy.

The phone started ringing right away. I made a few reservations for the weekend and realized I no longer knew the computer password! :) Eric called me with the info I needed pretty quickly, so no worries. Then it was quiet for a bit, I checked my college info. And chatted with the cast of characters from PCW that came by to say hello to me. I hadn't seen most of them since my last day at work. It was good to catch up.

Then the deluge started! The phone rang off the hook and I actually had a line in the shop! Really too funny. Then after about 30 minutes....nothing. The good news is I just randomly tried to sign up for classes and the system let me in! :) According to the calendar, you were only supposed to be able to register for classes if you already had 40 hours! SO COOL! I got every class I wanted! WOO HOO!

I even paid for them first thing this morning. My financial aid showed up, so I only had to pay the remainder. I decieded there really wasn't any reason to wait. Now all I have to do is pass the classes I am currently taken and I am all set! :)

About the time I got through with all that stuff, Christy got there to take over for me so I was all done. Now THAT is a good day at "work".

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Delta Moon/Tinsley Ellis

Last night HM and I went over to The Pour House to check out Tinsley Ellis with opening act Delta Moon. It was a fantastic show. This was our first visit to this venue. It was really set up right for a listening room. I had a bit of a deja vu experience...reminded me of the old Myskyns. We got there around 10 just as Delta Moon was about to take the stage. HM had time to grab a beer and we had a perfect spot to stand pretty much center stage about 5 or 6 folks back.

Delta Moon is a 5 piece band out of Atlanta. Let me just say....they rocked the house. We bought the cd and listened to it on the way home.
Can't wait for them to play locally again! If you have a chance, check them out.

Tinsley Ellis took the stage about 11:15ish. He looked healthier than he has in a long time, in my opinion. It may be just that fact that he cut his long hair. He looks 100% better with his hair the way it is now. He started out rocking and never looked back. The crowd was in to him from the start.

I have to be honest though. He looked like he phoned it in. He is still one of the best guitar guys around, but he had some kind of disconnect that I can't put my finger on. He is a smart guy though. He has a young drummer and a young keyboard guy and they both are full of energy and passion. The keyboard guy is a young "Jerry Lee Lewis type" hot likkin' player. The how to describe this guy. Alternately, he was in the zone and grinning like a Cheshire cat while playing. They both really put on quite a show all by themselves. Great additions to Tinsley's act.

Now to the crowd. Pretty full house, mostly older 40's and up, with a smattering of college kids. Everyone having a good time, some toooo good a time. Having worked in bars for a few years, I have one suggestion. They need better bouncers or bouncers at all! :) There was a drunk guy that climbed on stage....never should have happened. Also, there was almost an altercation concerning HM that if a bouncer was present (as in paying attention) should have been dealt with. It shouldn't be up to the crowd to police your drunks! :) Anyhow, HM has a cool head and a pretty serious "really, don't F#*K with me" stare that seemed to work wonders!
There were also a few interactions that we witnessed that could have easily gone bad, they just need a security presence that would stop alot of that crap.

We had a fun day yesterday, all day long. We met my CS (crazy sister) for lunch at Kellys Barbeque in Summerville. Everything we do is an adventure......sooooooooo
what should have taken us about 15 minutes to get there....took 40 minutes!
Yeah, my beloved is directionally challenged! And everytime this happens (yes, it has happened before)I say that I am going to ask him how he is going to get to wherever we are going before we leave the driveway. I always forget and just assume he knows how to go. NOT A GOOD IDEA>>>>>>
:) He knows where the place is, usually...he just doesnt' usually know exactly how to get there. Or the remotely shortest way to a location. He says he doesn't mind it if I were to tell him the best way to go. Lucky thing, cause I see it happening a lot in our future! :) Ya gotta love it. I was giggling so much by the time we got there I was almost was hysterical to me that it took us that long to get there!

Anyway, lunch was lovely. They have a great buffet and I think it's only $7.95. Baked chicken, fried chicken, pulled barbeque, hash, white rice, green beans, macaroni and cheese, potato and cheese casserole, cole slaw, etc. We left there and went to The Home Show at the Fairgrounds. WHAT A WASTE OF TIME. It was free and the parking was free and we still paid tooooo much! Then CS went on about her day and HM and I went to the Flea Market next door. That was an experience! Not too much I was interested in. I did find some antique Charleston Prints that I thought were cool. $100 for the set of four small prints by Elizabeth O'Neil Verner. And two Japanese Spice jars hand painted antique for $80.

I didn't buy them, but they were cool nonetheless. We left there and went to look at rings! WEDDING RINGS, there I said it. We found one that we both really liked! It has 9 diamonds set in a gold band. :) I am excited, scared, happy, weirded out. All of the above!

We came home and took a nap.....I love a nap. Then went to the show. Fun day. I hope that the future holds many more adventures and a lot
more laughter and love.

Friday, February 17, 2006

School Days, School Days

For those of you who don't know, in January I decided to go back to college to get my RN. At 41, don't know what the heck I was thinkin. Actually I do know what I was thinkin, I want to be able to take care of myself in my old age! Being a free spirit is a wonderful thing! I have pretty much lived my life for the experiences I could be a part of. I have never taken a job for the money. I have let my heart and passions guide me. Truth be told, I never expected to live to 40. For some reason, I felt that I would not live to old age. Who knows? Maybe I won't, but I am getting older.

I have never worried too much about what I will do for a living as an older person or how I will be able to provide for myself. This past year I sort of became obsessed with it.

After giving it a lot of thought, I decided that to become a nurse would be the fastest way for me to put myself in a position to make the most amount of money. Hopefully it will work out. Currently I am in school at Trident waiting on the waiting list! :)

Later today, I will post some of the comedy that has ensued!

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

My Very Happy Daddy On Valentine's Day

My Very Happy Daddy On Valentine's Day
This is the best picture of my dad in I can't remember how long! He was having a great time. The cute little singing turtle was a gift to him from my very handsome sweetheart M.
He looks so good. His head is pulled pretty far over to his right, but he is enjoying himself and is more upright than normal. He can lift his head straight, just not for very long. Every good day is a blessing. Every smile is priceless. Every time I hear that damn song...."I'm just a Love Machine....yeah baby..." I want to crush the furry cute little turtle into a million pieces....
Just kidding...kind of. And how was your day? :)

My Beautiful Valentine Tiara...Yes, I Said TIARA

My Beautiful Valentine Roses

Charleston Events

Every couple of days I am going to update a list of events coming up in my city by the sea, Charleston, South Carolina.

This weekend really kicks of the tourist season for most folks, including the carriage companies.
  • The Southeastern Wildlife Expo is this weekend Friday - Sunday, 10am - 6pm all over town. Since 1983 the city is filled with "Duck People" as we affectionately (or not) call them. Traffic will be a nightmare and if you want to eat dinner on the peninsula make your reservations now! There are vendors, crafts, fine art and demonstrations. My favorite is always the Retriever demonstrations (Saturday 10:30 & 3:00 at Marion Square)! I also think the Purina Dog Chow Incredible Dog Team will be cool, Saturday, 12noon at Marion Square This year Jack Hanna will be doing a demonstration Saturday, 3pm at The Gailliard Auditorium for more information you can go to
  • The LowCountry Blues Bash has been going on since 2/10. Since 1991, national and local musicians have come together to lay it down for us at venues all over town, every night. Check out Tinsley Ellis ( at The Pour House on Saturday, 2/18, with a great band called Delta Moon, opening up for him. This place has been consistently bringing in great live music to the area. Check them out when you can.
  • The Citadel will be playing the College Of Charleston in basket ball at home on Thursday, 2/16. Back in the day, when I was at COC this was THE place to be, I imagine not much has changed. Game time 7:15
  • Saturdays this winter Fleet Landing is having Bucket of Oysters: $7.50 Bucket of Domestic Beer (6): $10.00 Bucket of Imported or Micro Brew Beer (6): $13.00.

More to come as I find them. If you have any tips to share, please do so. I love to hear live music. Gotta go get some sleep. Night yall!

Pink Goodness

Valentine's Day was wonderful for me this year. In fact it is the best Valentine's Day in recent memory. HM left beautiful red goodie bags for me and Crazy Sis! He also left a gift for my daddy! What a sweetheart, right? Anyhow, when I woke up and came down the hall, my dad told me to look on the table in the kitchen. There were a dozen beautiful red roses that HM had delivered! GORGEOUS! Then I gave Dad his gift and card. It was one of those stuffed animals that sings. In this case a cute turtle that sings "I'm just a love machine and I won't work for nobody but you." (Great now I have that damn thing stuck in my head again!)

I took my goodie back into the living room and opened it with my dad looking on. It was wonderful and full of really thoughtful stuff. Christmas in February! One of the things he got that I thought was fantastic was an "Official Penalty Flag". You know, one of those yellow flags the officals throw down during a football game when someone is doing something stupid. See on Superbowl Sunday we made the comment during the game that it sure would be nice to have those for everyday use. Somebody doing something you find offensive? Throw down the penalty flag!

He also got me a lovely Tiara, that I had on my head when he picked me up for dinner! :) We got our picture taken with me wearing it....classy broad, I tell ya! He also got my CS the same kind of stocking stuffer stuff and a lovely tiara all her own.

We went to dinner at Poogan's Porch ( ). It was incredibly delicious! Poogan's is one of my all time favorite restaurants in Charleston. I had stuffed chicken and he had crisp salmon. I really like the atmosphere. We had time for a drink at the tiny bar before we were seated. HM is such a romantic guy. I so enjoy just being with him.

We talked at dinner about our future and where we see this going. We are on the same page and that is very comforting to say the least. I haven't ever been here before. I am so excited about what the future holds for us together.

We left Poogan's and went back to his house and listened to a CD he made me not too long after we started seeing each other. It is much more meaningful now. It will take some doing to make it happen, given my responsibilities where my dad is concerned. But I gotta say, I love that man! :)

Monday, February 13, 2006

Hawaii Dreaming

I am listening to the internet broadcast from lovely Hawaiian music for this crazy cold day. This picture was taken on Waikiki from Duke's at The Outrigger On The Beach. Lovely place, full of great folks and Lava Flow drinks....YUM! Today's high is supposed to be 51 the low 25! 25 degrees! Holy crap! For those of you that live where it is REALLY cold, I apologize. You have to understand though, I live in SOUTH Carolina. I want to be warm. The coldest I ever really want it to be is about 65. Yep, that's it 65 degrees. None of this "I can see my breath" crap! I DO NOT WANT TO SEE MY BREATH.....EVER!

The latest in my how stupid can one woman be and still be in college....
I had my first research paper due in English on February 13. Yep, that would be today. a closer inspection.....the paper is due February 13 at 12:00AM! Who does that? All of my other online classes have their assignments and tests set up to be due at 11:59PM of whatever date they choose.
Point is, if I hadn't randomly looked at the calendar one last time yesterday as I was going out the door to meet HM, I would have been royally screwed. I submitted it yesterday, I hope it is okay. That MLA format stuff is all new to me. I have a feeling I screwed that part up, but the writing aspect, I am happy with.
Don Ho is ancient and has been really sick. I am listening to him singing right now, that guy had an awesome voice in his day. There is also this guy named Moe Keale.....he is fantastic. These guys are buttah. I wanna go back to the islands. I would leave right now if I could. Man, I need some sand gravity in a very bad way. I HATE WINTER. :)

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Brokeback Mountain

HM and I had date night tonight. I worked on my endless school work until 5:00. He came to pick me up and we went to Red Lobster for dinner. LOL Yeah, I know. But actually the food was good. I had the baked talapia with veggies and salad and he had fish stew and a flounder/salmon platter. We had limited time before our movie and it was across the street. That's my story and I am sticking to it. We left there and went to see Brokeback Mountain. I was surprised at how well the story is told. I kept thinking how Heath Ledger's character reminds me of a very good friend of mine. Real manly guy, hunts and fishes a lot with his buddies....I crack up every time I think of it. He is very much like this guy. That would be a real kick in the pants if he was gay. Anyhow, the movie was shot beautifully. Lots of wonderfully expressive scenery. HM liked it pretty well too. We left there and went to his/our house. He is such a romantic. When he opened the door for me, he stepped back for me to go inside. I stepped into the living room and there were rose petals, pink and red, leading to the bedroom and all over the white bedspread on the bed! Also there were pink and red heart balloons all about the room. This guy is a keeper! He is so incredibly thoughtful and sweet. The night was perfect. He brought me home around 1:30. We talked to his son in Washington State as we pulled into the driveway of my house. Soldier boy just finished boot camp a month or so ago and was sent to Seattle for more training. He was really excited he got checked out to drive a HUMVEE. I just hope he stays out of harms way. He is a great kid, just barely out of highschool. Ah well..... After HM left, I took my next computer class exam. I made an 87, not bad, but the 4 questions I missed, 2 of them, I know the answer, but couldn't make the damn computer do the operation. SOOOOOO frustrating. Now, I am off to bed. Really nice day.....:)

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Just A Word About The Superbowl

Watched the Superbowl with HM at Fastbreak in Summerville. Private party in this little dive pool hall. The food was incredible. Steamship round, boiled shrimp, vegetables, fruit, salad, rolls. All the food and drinks you wanted. We were in several football pools...we had lousy numbers and won no money. We did have a great time.
The game was pretty good. We had great seats and could even hear what was going on thanks to some creative stool standing engineering! Thanks Dennis! The commercials were pretty good. My favorite was the Budweiser barn, where the colt tries to pull the wagon. Of course I loved that one! :)
The one thing that really got to me was Mick Jagger! Now, I love the Rolling Stones and Mick and the boys are still hanging in there. In Mick's case "hanging" is the right word! The man in 62 for the love of God! He was more than a little winded runnig around the stage. I give it to him for trying. He gave it a shot. I thought he did okay until he took off his long sleeved shirt. He had old man jiggle in his arms.....that waddle that women of a certain age cannot get rid of no matter how many weights they lift....he looked good other than that. The problem is he just kep jiggling it...EWWWWWWW! It's official...TIME IS NO LONGER ON HIS SIDE.


I stole this MEME from Dooce, here :

Four Jobs I've Had:
  1. Carriage Driver/Tour Guide
  2. Massage Therapist For A Pro Hockey Team
  3. Customer Service Rep For A Company That Sold Radiators For Hummers To The Military And Freightliner Trucks
  4. Scrap Metal Brokerage Accounting Manager

Four Movies I Can Watch Over And Over

  1. Bull Durham
  2. Tombstone
  3. ANY Elvis Movie
  4. The Last Of The Mohicans

Four Places I Have Traveled

  1. Hawaii (twice)
  2. Toronto
  3. Chicago
  4. Sioux Falls, South Dakota

Four TV Shows I Love

  1. Grey's Anatomy
  2. LOST
  3. CSI
  4. NCIS

Four Foods/Dishes I Love

  1. Boiled Shrimp
  2. Crab Legs
  3. Mahi-Mahi
  4. Ribeye

Four Sites I Visit Daily

  1. Nothing But Bonfires
  2. Where's Hawkins
  3. Microfamous

Four Places I Would Rather Be

  1. Sitting At The Barefoot Bar at Duke's Waikiki talking to Davy, Jake and Dustin drinking a Lava Flow or six.
  2. Lying in bed at the house in GC cuddled up to HM watching a movie.
  3. Listening to some live music at a local bar with friends.
  4. Having a cocktail and conversation with Ron White, Javy Lopez, or Terry Bradshaw... ;>

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Compare? No need. We have a winner.

Ran into an ex last night at the bar HM was shooting pool in. It was great to see The Chef again! The reaction or lack there of was comforting to me. I was genuinely glad to see him and introduce him to HM. Sounds loopy, I know. Unfortunately they didn't get to meet, Chef "had to go check on his kids...his wife is out of town". He was probably at the bar looking to score (a woman, drugs, whatever) and was chastened by seeing me. :)

There have been very few times in my life when I have been with a man I cared about so much that I didn't look for more. It's nice to be in a place of contentment. I really miss HM when we aren't together. I love the way he holds me. He is so attentive when we together. What more could I want? Thank goodness Brain was smart enough to help me see I had to let go of idea of one man to give the reality of this wonderful man a fighting chance. It was worth the risk.

I look forward to the future with HM. He makes me laugh. I feel safe with him. Everything we do is an adventure. I can see us growing old together. I've never been here before and I really like it! This relationship has made me reevaluate my thoughts on marriage, I hear me saying

Saturday, February 04, 2006

Welcome To The International

I really needed to get drunk last night, after the day Dad and I had. Well, HM came over and we went out to dinner around 9pm. We had a couple of beers and then stopped by this dive bar right across the street from my neighborhood. I called Dad during and after dinner to check on him. He was going to bed, so we had a couple of drinks and talked inside the dive bar.

They were having Kareoke(sp?). It was quite a hoot. This isn't a rough bar, but it is populated with rough looking people...bikers, crack heads, truck drivers, old sad tired looking alcoholic women and men, and just your average joe and jane. It's not a place I would go into by myself and have a drink.

We were just about to leave about 11:30, when in walks these two guys that went to school with us. I knew one of them HM knew them both. (We went to the same highschool, HM is 2 years older than me) We had the best time with those guys catching up on old times. And there were so many characters in this place that kept interacting with us. A really drunk gay older guy that looked at HM like he wanted to eat him up. (ROFLMAO) And of course I made some new friends....lets seee.....the really drunk black guy named Challs (charles) who kept buying us drinks and telling HM I was the prettiest woman on the room....and that he wasn't a nigga he was Indian and raising his shirt to show me his "pecan tan"! Then there was Sheila, who kept pulling me up to dance....I finally did twice, it was fun. She is " a surgeon"....uh huh...yeah..okay. Her husband Gary who is actually her 3rd husband and "younger by a few years", who has a very weak stomach, he went outside and puked when a transvestite hit on his sister..... his sister Corrina who is a tough looking chick with really tight white stretch pants on and a pierced tongue. The transvestite likes women....and her/his name is the Pink Panther. Seriously, you couldn't make this shit up!

Next up would be Spud...yep, Spud, he thinks he can sing...he can't. And Joanne who showed up to tell us all that it took her 3 hours to find the place....she was a little plump and she had on a black cocktail dress and proceeded to get on the phone and tell someone she was "performing at The International tonight, you should come". Then she too sang really badly, but I give her credit, her stage presence was very Judy Garland....sadly the voice was more Foster Brooks! ;) Drunk gay man came up to our table and just stood there.....finally I said, Can I help you? He looked at HM and our two friends and back at me and said "I am probably in no man's land here right?" I nodded and said"That's right, I am thinking the answer to your unasked question is no. Bye-bye." He laughed and left. Then he almost got in a fight with a military guy from the 82nd Airborne who was sitting at the bar trying his best to pick up the bartender...or any other decent looking woman. When I went to the bathroom he was telling the bartender how this guy was so freaking drunk and he was afraid he was going to have to fight him or the drunk black/indian guy. He looked at me and I said he is really drunk isn't he. So when the bartender goes into the bathroom, he starts talking to me. He has a great tatoo of the 82nd insignia on his bicep. He says when he goes out, which isn't often...uh of 3 things happens. One he meets a woman that likes him, two, he meets a....(and I said Gay man that likes you)...he started laughing and said You sure are an honest woman, yes that's right. Or three he gets in a fight. So, I talked to him for a few minutes about how nothing that those 2 drunk guys could do would be worth going to the brig. He was very appreciative and kept sending us over drinks.

Oh, did I mention that one of the waitresses is dating an old highschool boyfriend of mine? LOL Yep, and she is realllllllyyyyyy creeeeeeepy looooookinnnnnggggg! lol HM was teasing me about it all night. He said he was continually amazed out how I handled myself with people. Years of working in bars has stood me in good stead. I think I am a pretty good cooler and people just talk to me, as you know! I did not seek any of these meetings out and yet when we left we knew all these folks. It was so much fun and so hysterical. The only time HM had to step in was a couple of stiff arms to the black/indian guy that got just a little too close to me when he was leaning over talking. It was perfect and understated, he did it in a totally cool way. One of our friend sitting with us told HM, "Damn, you should bring her with you all the time, we haven't paid for drink one!" HM and I left at 2:15! Then we sat and talked at my house until 4:00am. He is so much fun and such a great guy. Everything we do is an adventure!

Friday, February 03, 2006



Are you paying attention to what you really want or are you letting a million things distract you from the real task at hand: finding what it is you were put on this earth to do? Learn to slow down.


Old Age Is Not For Sissies

There is so much going on with my Dad right now. I am unable to focus on anything else. I just want to curl up in my bed and pull the covers over my head. It's all just too much!

He is having a lot of trouble this week. I have pretty much had to fix his meals, the ones that Sis hasn't brought him. Today at lunch I was getting his stuff together...he is driving me crazy. He tries not to bother me and in doing so makes matters much worse than they would be if he would just spit out what's wrong! I am so frustrated and I know my frustration pales in comparison to his own.

He told me today he just doesn't think he will ever be well again. That is so sad. Even sadder is the fact that I don't think so either. I just want to scream. Every day is a new crisis, a new drama. It is really wearing on us all.

He told my sister he had loose bowel movements and stomach problems. When I asked him about it he said no he didn't and that Sister was out of her mind. Those were his words. SO, I didn't worry about it too much. Today he tells me he "shit his pants" this morning right after he got up and had to take a bath. I asked him about his bowel movement issues, he told me he had been having trouble all week. I asked him why he didn't tell me about it, he said he did!!!!!! Kill me now! So now here it is Friday afternoon and I have called the doctor with no response....that would be Dr. Newton. What a disorganized doctor's office he has...UGH. Great guy, but his staff....idiots.

So I asked dad what he did with his soiled underwear...he told me he lay them on his hamper to be thrown out. I knew this didn't bode well. I gloved up and went into his room. Sure enough there were the soild boxers. I took out his other clothes...there were about 5 pair of boxers I had to throw away and 1 pair of khaki pants. The khakis were not just stained...they were actually full of shit. Yeah, nice, really nice. I feel sorry for him that he is sick, but come on that is just nasty. I keep thinking what if I had just stuck my bare hand in there, unknowing....UGH.

I wish I knew how long this was all going to drag on. I want him to just go to sleep and not wake up.....
Heaven help us all.....