Sunday, March 26, 2006

And The Journey Is Complete

I believe I wrote my last post around 9am this morning. My father passed away around 10:30 or 11 this morning. He never moved from the position he fell asleep in. I walked in to check on him after my post and he was sleeping, but his breath was very labored, I checked one more time around 10 or 10:30 he was still sleeping. My sister called me about 11 and I told her he was still quiet. After I hung up, I went in and he was gone. He was still very warm and it took me a few minutes to make sure he was really gone. As I touched him, I kept expecting him to look up at me and ask me what I was doing!

I called my sister and while waiting on her to come over, I held his hand and talked to his spirit.
I just told him the same things I had been saying. He was going to be okay now, I was going to be okay without him, I would miss him and he was at peace. The hospice nurse arrived and called the coroner. While we were waiting for the funeral home to come collect the body, the nurse and I washed him up and changed his pajamas to clean ones. I felt so glad to be able to bath his body and clothe it before he left. It felt like the completion of my taking care of him. He was finally at peace and it was an amazing way to be able to say a final goodbye.

Much more happened, I just have to get some rest. We are having the viewing tomorrow night, then travel to Asheville on Tuesday and the burial with full military honors on Wed around 2pm.

Thank you all again for your concern and prayers and thoughts and emails and comments!
Please continue the prayers and good vibes...every little bit helps folks...truly.

Well, I'm Tired And So Weary

Just wanted to give yall an update. Daddy has been sleeping in the same position in his bed, since 2:30 yesterday. He hasn't moved at all. From about 4:30 - 5:30pm yesterday, he was talking in his room to people we couldn't see and he was a little restless, then he stopped moving completely and has been out ever since.
My brother said goodbye to him last night. I would not be surprised if he doesn't regain consciousness. I slept all night for the first time in quite awhile.
I know that I will probably always long to be daddy's little girl again. One of the things I am being made aware of is how much of the man he was is reflected in the woman I am. I pray I can do justice to his legacy.
As I sit here this morning listening to the buzz of the oxygen machine, I miss him already. I miss the sweet, gentle, charming, twinkle blue eyed man who made me laugh out loud and I even miss the cantankerous old bastard who cut me to the quick with a sharp comment or hateful remark....because he always realized later and apologized, usually teary-eyed.
I want to thank you Internet friends for all of your kind and supportive emails and comments. It is incredible to be a part of a global community. From this perspective it is easy to see all over the world we experience many of the same personal, day to day, joys and tragedies. I feel blessed and I am grateful. Please continue the prayers and good vibes all around. Many thanks.

Saturday, March 25, 2006

Hospice Of Charleston

I haven't had the words to write what has been happening here. Too tired....

Daddy is resting right now, his condition has deteriorated so quickly, it is amazing. He is still holding on, for some reason. I ask again for your prayers for his peaceful passage.

We are hanging in as well.

More when I can get my head above water.

THANK YOU! To all of you who have emailed me or commented with good wishes for my family and myself.


Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Send In Your Angels

I opened my eyes this morning and saw Angels....dozens of them. It startled me at first and then it comforted me. I slept on the couch in our living room last night so that I would be able to hear my dad if he needed me. On the walls of our living room are angels...all different kinds of angels. My mom collected them for years. She passed away in January of 2000 after a battle with lung cancer, oddly enough this is where I slept so that I could hear her too.

All of this made me think of when I was a child in church. I never understood why people bowed their heads to pray to God. I always lifted my face up to the heavens. I wanted him to see me. I wanted him to know who it was and look down on me with love and compassion. I felt like I had nothing to be bowed down about. I understood it (or I thought I did) as a sign of respect, of defference. I just always felt and still do that it was more personal than all of that. I was/am a child of God. I lift my face and my voice and my heart and ask for peace for my father. My father is a son of God and as such is ready to come home, he has had a very long arduous journey. Surely it is time.

After a pretty bad day yesterday I phoned my dad's doctor and he recommended we call Hospice. He wants them to do an evaluation. At first I was a little freaked out, but then he explained that they do long term care not just imminent death or pallative care. I know dad is really close to passing on, I just didn't want him to feel like we are abandoning him or giving up on him.

The doctor was very nice and explained it all very well. I told my dad that a nurse was coming in to evaluate him. Then later when we were alone, I broached the subject again. This time I explained it to him until he understood clearly what was happening.

He agreed that we needed help. He feels bad that I am having to shoulder so much of what is being done, but I reminded him that we are in this together and he would do it for me.

It is now 11:45am and he isn't awake. He called me in there a little while ago and we got him bathed, but he is so out of it, I asked him if he wanted to sleep a little longer and he said yes. Why not? I mean, he is comfortable and sleeping at least he isn't stressed about anything that way.

I am hopeful that Hospice can help us insure that he holds on to as much of his dignity as possible. I want him to feel safe and unafraid, at least to the extent that is possible. I want to hear him laugh a little again and have some enjoyment in his life.

Monday, March 20, 2006

4:30AM Bad Night

Went to the hockey game with CS, it was good to be out of the house. We talked a lot about dad and how we both feel he isn't doing well, and won't be around much longer. She and I talked about all kinds of things that we really needed to from some funeral issues to what we thought it would be like splitting up a lifetime of stuff between my sister, my brother and me. We both know my brother won't really be a problem, but my sister in law may be. But whatever, she had no close relationship with either of my parents so she can butt out if it comes to that. Hopefully it won't. My concern was they would rush me out of the house with no time to adjust. CS actually brought it up that we would sell the house when we were ALL ready for it to happen. So that made me feel a lot better. I have lived in this house for 30 years all told. It will be hard to leave it, but the more I think about the possibility of buying it and staying here, I think it would just be too much. I don't know, we'll have to see how I feel down the road, but today in this moment, I want to sell it and start fresh.

We left the game and came home to check on my dad. He seemed okay, pretty alert even. Then we fixed his dinner and he ate about half of it. We waited on HM to come over and the three of us went to Manny's for their Stingrays deal. Buy one order of wings get one free, and 1/2 price pizza. It was great. We didn't stay long and came home.

CS left pretty much right away and so did HM. They both have work tomorrow. I got my stuff together to work on my English paper. Then I realize it is due TONIGHT! OH MY GOSH! So I get dad some water and his pills. (Apparently he couldn't back his wheelchair up 3 feet to get them off the table....not a good sign). I then went into my room to DO my research paper!

I checked on him a few times and then after I sent it in.....later by 5 minutes, I went to help him into bed. This was the worst yet. He didn't take his sleeping pill until he got in the bed, but it was still chaos. He was really weak and really difficult. Finally got him situated and went to bed. I was (am) exhausted from freaking out about my paper and just being emotionally spent.

I wake up about 2:30 to dad calling my name. I open my door and I can smell it before I even get down the hall. He had pooped in his bed. I will spare you the gorey details, but gorey they were. He was crying and groggy from his sleeping pill and it was insane.

How horrific for a grown man to have his daughter have to clean his private area. I felt so sorry for him. I tried to act like it was no big deal. I am not sure what we are going to do. I feel overwhelmed. I am just emotionally exhausted. I don't know what the right thing to do is. He is struggling and he isn't getting any better. He is not rebounding from this hospital visit. I know he won't go until it is his time, but I pray he finds some peace soon. This is no way for him to have to live. I know it could be so much worse. I should be grateful and I am, I just hate it for him.

Thanks Internet for listening. It's now 4:45AM and I really need to get some kind of sleep before tomorrow starts!

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Home From The Hospital

Dad came home from the hospital on Friday, St. Paddy's Day. By the time the doctor came and we were able to get dad squared away, it was 6:00. We got home by around 6:30. HM brought dinner from the Olive Garden for dad and CS stayed with him for a little while so that HM and I could grab a bite to eat at Shoney's. I just needed to get away from daddy for a few minutes. He was incredibly hateful to all the folks at the hospital today, he just wanted to come home. Thank goodness he isn't like that all the time! He was really short with me and a bit nasty. I know that if I were in his shoes I would undoubtedly be much worse!

I am glad he is home, but a bit overwhelmed by what it will be to care for him every day on my own. He is much weaker than he has been. He can't get in or out of bed by himself. He needs all of his meals fixed for him. He has trouble doing the simplest thing for himself. He is really struggling.

Friday night he went to bed before 11pm. HM and I helped him, thank goodness HM is a part of my life. He is an incredible man. Having helped take care of his mom, he gets what this is about. It takes a lot off my mind in a lot of ways. Dad slept until 11:15am Saturday morning. He wouldn't have gotten up then, but I went in and pretty much woke him up.

The day was pretty unremarkable as far as his status goes. In other news....HM and I found the rings that we like! :) WOO HOO! More details as news develops in this breaking story! ;>
Brought dad dinner from Fisherman's Quarter's in Summerville. They have good seafood at reasonable prices. Dad is having a lot of trouble eating. I am worried about this. Many years ago when he was very ill, he developed anorexia. I am hoping this is not the case now.

Dad went to sleep around 11pm again with my help. He woke up this morning around 10:20. He wanted toast and a little debbie for breakfast. Then he slept in his wheelchair for about an hour or so. He wanted the left overs from Olive Garden for lunch around 12:30. I fixed a tiny bowl of the pasta and 3 shrimp on top. He gagged the whole time he was trying to eat. It was hard to watch. He burped and gagged and finally got about 2 shrimp and a bite of pasta down.

He looked like he was about to cry. He then wheeled into the living room and has been asleep really hard since then(2 hours). He is dreaming and sort of growling in his sleep. He is pretty pitiful.

My CS and I are going to a hockey game at 3. I hate to leave him, and need to leave him all at the same time! More later...

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Perfection Of Resistless Surrender

Whew it has been a heck of a week and it isn't over yet. My CS is at the hospital with daddy today. I have an English class at 1:15, so I am getting a break this morning.

Dad is doing somewhat better. His kidnesy function is much better, he still has some swelling. They have had a hard time keeping his blood pressure up, but he is a lot more alert than he was. He will probably come home in the next day or so. That is such a surprise from where he was just a couple of days ago. The doctors have been pretty straight forward about how sick he is. He is in the final stages of his journey, from what they can tell.

I want to thank those of you who have emailed me or left comments for me. I appreciate your kindness.

Monday, March 13, 2006

The Visit From The Preacher Part 2

So, here I am sitting next to my father's hospital bed, he is very out of it. He is sleeping and not easily roused at all. I am typing away on my blog and in comes the preacher that "saved" my dad last week. He introduces himself to me and I tell him we have already met. He says he did seee me, but he hadn't gotten my name. I told him my name and that I was one of my dad's daughters, that he actually had 2 and a son. He asked how dad was, I told him. Then he asked me if I was a member of his church. We will call it Wando Woods Baptist Church, because, well, that's the name of it. ANYHOW, I said Yes sir I have been a member since I was 12 years old.....see....I trumped him....I GOT SAVED AT 12, he told my dad in such a superior tone that he was saved at 14! Nanner, nanner, nanner, I got saved first. Sorry, I digress.

SO then he asks me why he hasn't seen me in church. He said the bible says to be a good Christian you have to go to church. I said, I have a very close personal relationship with God. and I subscribe to the belief that sitting in church doesn't make you a Christian any more than sitting in your garage makes you a car. He didn't like that too much, but smiled a sickly sort of Jim and Tammy Faye Baker smile and said Well, now did you ever think that if everyone thought that way there would be no more church, if there was no church you would never have gotten saved. I said Sir, to my knowledge Jesus didn't have a church. That's good enough for me.

He started to say something else, but I stopped him and said Let's just agree to disagree, this is not the time or the place for this discussion. I appreciate that you came by to pray for my father, why don't we do that.

And so we did. And he left. Ya know, I needed that. It made me a lot less weepy. I guess when my friends ask me how they can help me, I should tell them they need to really piss me off, so that I can get a grip! :) Just kidding, be nice to me....PLEASE. Hugs are not uncalled for.

Have a blessed day.

Back At Roper With Dad

Friday night dad wasn't feeling to well. CS, HM and I went to the Stingrays game. It was a lot of fun, everyone asked how daddy was doing. I didn't really like leaving him home by himself, but he was fine. We got home and hung out there. HM has been so understanding of my need to make sure dad is okay.

Saturday around lunchtime, dad told me he needed to call the doctor and probably go to the hospital. He was very swollen and having trouble breathing. Dr. Reeves was on call and told me the dosage to give him of his med. So we tried that. Went to the hockey game to get our Trevor Johnson Bobble Head dolls. They actually look to me like Jared Bednar, but whatever.

We got home and dad was doing a bit better. I helped him get undressed and in bed. Sunday morning woke up and dad seemed a bit better, but by the time he had breakfast it was obvious, we needed to call the doctor. He had us go to the ER. They did some blood work and found out that daddy had pneumonia! And that his kidney function is not what it should be, he has dangerously high potassium levels. I was shocked. I understand how it happens, but, it still floored me.

They admitted him and the renal doctor (can't remember his name) came in and said that dad's kidneys were struggling because his heart was so weak. They were going to try to get the potassium levels down and then see what was up. The only real option was dialysis, but he made it clear that wasn't really an option due to dad's low blood pressure and overall health. He told his dad would never be able to get off of the machine and that the procedure itself might kill him.

Daddy is very sick. I'm not sure he is coming home from this one. He keeps sleeping REALLY deeply. When he wakes up he is groggy and says the medicine is making him sleepy. He is a lot sicker than he was just yesterday morning. I guess his heart is just really struggling.

Yesterday in spite of how sick he was, he called HM and SANG Happy Birthday to him. It was so sweet. He was actually in pretty good spirits, probably from being nervous, but still. When he is sweet, he is sooo sweet. You can't help but love him. He has some really great nurses on the 3rd floor here. Many of them know us by now, and they take great care of him. I just wish he would fall asleep and not wake up. I hate that he is having to go through this.

Last night I had to call all the family to tell them what was going on. That was really hard. Just so many questions and so forth. UGH.

My brother is still in Washington, DC. It's hard to know what to tell him to do. He wants some kind of idea of what dad's time line am I supposed to know that? I know it is hard for him, but I think he has to make his own decisions.

Please keep my father in your prayers, if you will. All good thoughts are appreciated. I just want his journey on to be as peaceful as possible....for all of us.

Friday, March 10, 2006

No One Gets Out Of Here Alive

Dad had an appointment with the hematologist this morning. Seems that they can and are going to start giving him a shot every 2 weeks to help increase his body's red blood cell count. They can't do anything about the white cell or platelet's count at this point.

He is driving me up the wall today. It is one thing for him to need help, it is another for him to not even do the things he can do for himself. It is very frustrating! I am trying to be patient, but I am running out. I feel very trapped and like I can't finish any of the work I need to do for my life, my schoolwork, etc.

I know I am probably just tired. I have had a bad menstrual enduced headache for 2 days now, so I am pretty sure that is where most of this is coming from. I am just feeling a little overwhelmed right now.

Looks like we are going to go to the hockey game with CS tonight. I could care less about going, I know it will probably be fun, but I am just really tired.

I pray for the strength to not bite my father's head off. I need take the time to be gentle with him, even when he is being infuriating. I also need to leave this house some, to get him to do some things for himself.

As usual, prayers and good vibes graciously accepted. Blessings!

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Each One Teach One

I just came back from my English class. My professor is incredible. I have rarely felt so free to write and edit. She has the wonderful ability to critique the work without making you feel stupid. She is so positive and motivating that she has you feeling like you CAN do well. Her name is Taylor, I think her first name is Kim. I am grateful for her teaching style, her personal style, and for the lucky twist of fate that put me in her class this semester.

We all need cheerleaders in our lives. I feel blessed.

At this point in time, it is difficult for me to focus on much of anything.

When you go out into the world today, tonight or tomorrow, do me a favor. Take a moment to be someone's cheerleader, maybe someone you don't even know. You don't have to get the pom-poms out. Sometimes just a smile and a kind word mean more than you may ever know.
We are all in this together folks. Please take a minute to be just a little bit kinder, just a little bit more gentle. Take a minute to actually acknowledge the people you come in contact with. They deserve it and so do you.

Thursday's Version Of Wednesdays 11 - 20 Things You Can't Tell Just By Looking At Me

I missed my Wednesday deadline for the list. I am moving it to today...lucky you...LOL.

  1. I love all kinds of good music. Live shows are my favorite.
  2. Going to the Comedy Zone shows is my idea of a fun night. I really like to laugh.
  3. The smell of pluff mud, is a good thing to me.
  4. My favorite historic home in Charleston is the Joseph Manigault House.
  5. I like to go to the movies by myself and get lost in the story.
  6. I have migraines when I am under stress.
  7. I am certified to teach Pilates.
  8. I have taught women's self-defense classes.
  9. I can drive a team of mules.
  10. When I was a little girl, I was deathly afraid of dogs.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

The Visit From The Baptist Preacher

If you are easily offended please do not read the following. If you are not open minded and tolerant DO NOT READ THIS:


The Baptist preacher came to visit my father today. After much talking, he asked my dad if he was saved and my dad said no. NO? Dad told him he went to church and had been a member of Emmas Grove Baptist Church since he was a child. Daddy told him he liked gospel music. He told my dad that being a good man wasn't good enough. That living a "Christian" life was not GOOD ENOUGH TO GET HIM INTO HEAVEN. He told my 83 year old daddy that he would not be going to heaven when he died if he didn't take care of that. He told my sweet sickly father that basically the fires of all hell and damnation were waiting just outside the door.

Now perhaps I am going straight to HELL on a luge, but.....WHO DOES THIS GUY THINK HE IS? My father is a very sick man, he is scared enough and this mortal man is judging that my father will not be going to heaven? When did he get that power bestowed upon him?

I guess the good news is my father accepted Jesus Christ as his personal saviour in our livingroom with the preacher. He then told him that he should really be baptized, but that he would be okay without it. But that they could do it even with Dad in the chair, of course he would have to come to the church to the "dunking pool"...I kid you not.

He made my daddy cry and talk about what a sinful life he had led. Now, he was in the Navy for 36 years, and he was in WWII, and Korea. He had seen too much action to be eligible to fight in Vietnam. The list of battles he was involved in was pretty impressive for a Navy man. I am sure he saw some really horrible things and maybe even had to do some.

He grew up dirt poor in NC with his mother. He had a really hard life. Very hard life. He and my mother were married for over 50 years. They loved each other and raised 3 kids. When he retired from the Navy he managed the clubs on the base and gave seminars on stuff like cost control and such. He always lived his life in such a way that people respected him, his word was his bond. People loved him, they were loyal to him and he to them.

My daddy actually said to this preacher "That's probably why I haven't been able to get better. I have prayed to God, but he hasn't been listening because I'm not saved." AND THE PREACHER SAID YOU ARE PROBABLY RIGHT.

So, let me get this straight......God only listens to people who believe exactly the way that you believe? And living a good life, taking care of others, loving people and being a good human being....just doesn't matter at all.

I am so wound up right now I could spit nails and I am just incredulous that this happened. I didn't go in there at all because I knew I would either say too much and embarrass my dad and our family friend who brought the preacher over or if I sat there and was polite and smiled I would have probably had an anyeurism!

Let me apologize to any one who this offends, but I will not apologize for how it made me feel.

Monday, March 06, 2006

Hello, My Name Is CharlestonGirl And I Am Addicted To HGTV

  • The Double Take Design Team
  • Design On A DimeGCash In The Attic

And all of the other wonderful shows.......tooooooo coooooool.

Trying to get some ideas for OUR "Country House". What I mean by that is the house that HM bought! We and by that I mean HE has really come a long way with the renovations he has been doing. We have had a lot to deal with the past couple of months, but we have time.

ANYWAY, I keep checking all these shows out to see what kind of cool things we can do as we get to them. Yeah, that is my story and I am sticking to it!

In The Sweet By and By

Daddy didn't wake up this morning until after 10:30. He wouldn't have woken then, but the phone rang a couple of times. He was very bleary eyed when he came out of the bedroom and bathroom. Good news is that he actually went to the bathroom pretty well in his urinal last night. And he didn't look toooo swollen this morning. He also seemed to be struggling less for his breath. (that didn't last long)

We had cereal this morning uh, noontime. Then around 2:30 I heated a bowl of the soup that CS made for him and some of the cornbread I made yesterday with a hunk of onion. He ate almost all of it. Everything he is doing is a struggle for him, it is difficult to watch. Bless his heart, he is trying to stay positive and upbeat.

We called to make sure the doctor hadn't moved his office and then headed out. It was quite an interesting little trek. Took some thinking to figure out how to take all the things we needed with us. It's our firs trip out without the leg and with the oxygen tank. We survived.

The good news is the urologist says nothing is wrong from his standpoint. So that's good. We do go for a renal ultrasound next week just to make sure and we visit him again in 3 months.

Dad just gets so obsessed with the whole bathroom peeing, pooping etc. It is a relief that there isn't anything wrong with him.

It has been difficult not seeing HM the past couple of days. I miss him. I miss him holding me in his arms. It's surprising to me how much that one simple thing takes so much of the stress from my body. I am blessed to have such a good man in my life.

This was not a remotely upbeat post....sorry Internet. Tomorrow is another day.
Blessings all around. Good night.

Sunday, March 05, 2006

And The Oscar Goes To.....

Watching the Oscars! George Clooney won for best supporting actor for Syrianna. Dang he is a handsome man. He looks like a throwback to the old Cary Grant handsome actor days. I saw many of the movies nominated for the various categories, but I think I will make a list of the others that I need to see. I love movies so much.

Larry McMurtry won for best adapted screenplay for Brokeback Mountain! Uma Thurman glided out to present the award for best screenplay. She is stunning. She is wearing the most beautiful glam gown of the night. Crash won for that. Didn't see it, but it looks good. Best Director: Ang Lee for Brokeback Mountain! WOO HOO! Loved that movie and he is an incredible director.

Jack Nicholson doesn't age anymore. He looks the same as he has for a LONG TIME. He is presenting Best Motion Picture Of The Year. PS His voice is very sexy. He is so devilish looking. CRASH won the best picture! WOW, that came out of nowhere. Man, people thought Brokeback or Goodnight and Good Luck....WOW. Now I have to go see it!

I didn't mention the award given to Robert Altman. He received an Honorary Oscar. The funny thing about that was the presentation by Meryl Streep and Lily Tomlin. They did a great schtik. They came out talking over each other, actually layer with each other. It was a play on the way his movie dialogue is always all wrapped around itself. They were so funny. Those two are masters of their craft, no doubt.

Reese Witherspoon is the cutest thing! She won for Walk The Line. Her speech was the best of the night in my opinion. She commented about June Carter that she was a "real woman". And I loved the quote she gave of June Carter's. When someone would ask June how she was doing, she would respond, "I'm just tryin to matter." WOW. Isn't that pretty profound for a little country gal?

I'm just tryin to matter too. Daddy had a pretty difficult day today. Not sure what tomorrow will bring.

Time for bed. Prayers please for us all.

Saturday With Dad

Saturday morning I set my alarm early. HM called just as I woke up. We chatted a bit and then I took my pillow out to the living room and lay on the couch. I could hear my dad as he got up and rolled into the bathroom. I was a bit worried because he is unable to wear his prothesis and he is pretty weak right now. When he came into the living room he still had his pajamas on. He told me he wasn't getting dressed today. OKAY

I made him a nice breakfast of eggs, bacon and toast with peanut butter. He loved it and was very appreciative. In fact he was really sweet all day...thank goodness. I changed his bandage and did some English homework.

I just knew I wouldn't get to go spend some time with HM today. I really miss being alone with him, curled up in his arms. Circumstances have conspired to keep us celibate of late. UGH

Dad actually wanted a bologna, cheese and tomato sandwich for lunch. You have to understand, my dad never eats sandwiches, he is not a big bread guy. He seemed to like it though, he ate most of it.

HM very sweetly drove his broken truck to see me at dad's house. He is the sweetest man ever. I love him. Anyhow, it was good to just spend time with him. It helps when I am freaked out about daddy to have someone who loves me there to just hold my hand sometimes.

Daddy is just too fragile to be alone for very long. A lot of it is mental, but the reality is he almost fell today in the bathroom. He is very weak and it is difficult for him to do the simplest of things.

I hope we don't go back into the hospital this week, but I have a feeling we will.

On another random note: We watched some true crime show last night about this armed robbery of a wells fargo like truck in Las Vegas. The woman who was involved was named Heather Tallchief. She has been on the run for something like 12 years and decided to turn herself in. She has a 10 year old son with the man who was the mastermind behind the whole thing. She told this story about how he virtually hypnotised her into doing his bidding. Serious mind control. It was one of the weirdest things ever. They were no where near catching up to her and she turned herself in and with some kind of plea bargain is looking at 30 years in prison.

Here is the question....would you turn yourself in if you knew you would do prison time?

My answer is NO WAY. Not a chance. She had been gone 12 years! 12 YEARS and they were not close to finding where near. They had no idea where she was. It was apparently the perfect crime. They still don't know where the guy is and neither does she. WEIRD. What would you do?

Saturday, March 04, 2006

Another Day

This morning started in a very dramatic way. I heard my dad call my name from the bathroom. When I opened the door he was sitting on the toilet unable to stand up. I tried to help him stand like he normall would and he couldn't at all. I think he fell asleep sitting on the toilet and his leg went to sleep. I had to pick him up under his arms and sit him in his wheelchair. He was so upset, really scared.

Got him in his chair and wheeled him into his room where there was more of a pull up bar so he could sort of stand and I could hold him while I pulled up his pants. I also got the oxygen on him and just had him sit there for a few minutes. He was really shakey.

It scared him that he couldn't move. He did have the phone right next to him, but he was still really upset. He kept asking me what would happen to him if I wasn't there. I told him, he had his phone and there was help easily at hand.

While I was making his lunch, he was telling me how weak he felt and that he had too much company yesterday. About that time the doorbell rand and I told him I didn't care who it was, I thought he should go ahead and eat his lunch. Turns out it was the volunteer from Roper to install his Roper Lifeline. It is a button he wears around his neck that he can push and they will try to contact him, if they can't they then call folks he has listed on his sheet. If he needs the police or an ambulance, they call that too. It will give him more of a sense of security and that's a good thing.

The rest of the day went well, I took two tests for my computer class. The chapter work I don't know what I made, but I think I got an A. The EXAM, I made a 97! Woo Hoo!

HM and I, Bulldog J, his wife, Music Mama D and CS went to see Tim Wilson at The Plex. If you have a chance to go see him, HE IS SO FUNNY! He is a total trip.
HM's truck needed some work, so CS and I went to pick him up. We got stuck in some serious I-26 traffic. A normally 15 minute drive wound up taking us 45 minutes.

We finally made it to The Plex. The security guys wanded us and then we went in.
We stopped to grab a beer and went to look for our seats. We ran into J and he showed us where the others were. We went over and were trying to decide where each of us would sit. We finally got it worked out and HM sat down behind D. Well.....he sat doooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwn....the chair broke into 5 pieces and HM hit the floor. He jumped up and bowed. People clapped! The DJ put a spotlight on us! Thank goodness he wasn unhurt. It was hysterical for the rest of us though. In their defense, the staff was all over it. They made sure he was okay, brought him another chair, actually 2 other chairs and bought him a beer. I know they were covering their ass, but still, they did a good job of it.

Due to the added attention, some other friends of ours that were there saw us and came over to chat. Lawn Man and his girlfriend were there with other friends of HM. It was good to see them again. Before we knew it the lights were going down for the opening act.

Gene Ward was the painfully unfunny opening act. He went on and on and got very few laughs. He was horrific. He opened for Tim Wilson the last time we saw him. He was really bad then, I couldn't believe he was still opening for him and that he hadn't gotten any better. If anything he was worse.

Tim Wilson came on next and he was HYSTERICAL! I LOVED HIM! We all laughed till we hurt. It was a very good time had by all.

We left there and took CS home, then HM and I dropped off some stuff at Sandy's and Clyde's. Then I took him home and regrettably left him to go home. I called him as I left and we chatted until I got home. When I got in Daddy was sitting at the kitchen table and calling me to come in there. I hung up with HM and went in. Dad had a really bad cut on his stump. It looked like his prosthesis hadn't been on quite right. It had bled all into the sleeve of the prosthesis. I cleaned and bandaged it. He had already taken his sleeping pill and was starting to get punch drunk. I had to pretty much put him in the bed. I felt so bad for him. What would have happened if I hadn't come home? Bless his heart.

Friday, March 03, 2006

What does "I love you" mean?

Last night a dear friend of mine and I were talking about what it means when someone says I love you. What can you then expect from them? What are they committing to you? What are the levels of love? How do we each define it and why?

We talked for a long time. He just got a Dear John letter (and no his name isn't John!). He went from planning a life with this person to suddenly being dumped pretty unilaterally. No discussion, no explanation really, just see yah.

I thought about what it means when I tell someone I love them. First you need to understand that from the time I was a small child, I always felt that it was very important that people knew how I felt about them. The people I love, know it. Now for me there is friend love and nurturing sister I have chosen love and lover/life partner love and parent love and sibling love to name a few.

The one common bond I found with all of these types of love, the final bottom line statement would be "I won't walk away". That says it completely for me. It means that no matter what I will not walk away. I will stand and deliver. I will ask questions when I am hurt, I will talk about problems that come up. My real friends know that they can talk to me about anything. Short of something horrible they have done to a small child or an animal there is nothing they can tell me to change my feelings for them. I am in their corner. I may not always agree with the choices that they make or the things they do, but I don't have to. I still love the person. And I expect that, no I demand that in return. And lucky me.....I mostly get it.

I think that is the reason I have such longlasting, longstanding friendships. Atlanta A and I have been friends for 37 years! Indiana M and I have been friends for 20 years. Halfass and I have been friends for 16 years, Bulldog J and I, 15 years, Music Mama D and I, 16 years, etc.

HM is an extraordinary man, he is so secure in us that he isn't intimidated by the friendships I have. That is one of the reasons he and I can be together so easily. I know for sure that he and I can disagree and still not walk away. We will work it out. We love each other. I am sure of it.

I have some of the best friends in the whole world. And when I say I love you, I mean it.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Ma'am do you have your receipt?

Another beautiful day in the Unholy City! Dad was in his glory as he had lots of visitors today! Almost too many, he was really worn out when they left, but he was so glad to see them all. CS came over with the girls (her poodles) and dropped them off while she went to do some errands. Dad was pretty good today, but dang if he isn't really obnoxious much of the time. Today was another day that I wanted to pinch his head off, but so far I have refrained. Yay me!

Left the house to run some errands. The curtains HM and I got a few weeks ago needed to be returned. I had them in the bag we got them in and went to Wal Mart with the receipt. At least that is what I thought I was supposed to do. Turns out uh....yeah...the curtains actually came from K-Mart! Dumbass! I told the lady behind the counter, "Ma'am, I am truly not trying to get something over on you, I am in fact just that stupid." She cracked up and my work there was done.

I decided to try to get dad's groceries while I was there. Mission accomplished! I also ran in to the wife of one of the guys HM shoots pool with. She offered to show me how to sew some curtains! Truth is I would love to know, but right now I don't have any patience left at all.

Dropped off the groceries and headed to CS's house. She just got dsl cable internet. I helped her get her email account set up and generally figure out how it worked for her. We laughed a lot and that was really good. I needed that. She sees how dad is being and I am glad. We called HM to meet us for dinner.

We went to Brecks in the North Area. They have a great steak special, nothing fancy, but good food. HM had a filet, butterfly cut, a baked potato, peas, salad and tea, I had ribeye, baked potato, green beans, salad and water and it was $19 and some change....less than $20.
That is a deal in my book.

We left and I took CS home. As I was leaving her driveway I realized I didn't have my cell phone. I parked and went in to call Brecks to see if they had found it. CS was glad I stopped because she was having problems with her email! I worked on that while she called Breaks and sure enough, they had my phone.

I got her email squared away after a call to tech support, then called HM to let him know what was happening. He wanted to go get it for me, but that didn't make any sense really, as I needed it. He also doesn't really like the idea of me out shopping late at night (9:00pm). That is just something he will have to deal with. I am careful, but I am not willing to end my evening early or not go someplace by myself after dark. That lets criminals win. I am very careful and take percautions, but I won't be staying inside cause it's dark! :) I travelled to Toronto, Detroit, and Honolulu by myself and walked around at night....Charleston will be no problem! :) (I hope!) Anyhow, he very sweetly offered to meet me at KMart when I told him I was going to take the curtains back (and yes, I admitted to him my earlier idiocy). But I told him I would take care of it then head home.

So that was my crazy night. My mind is going in a million different directions. I feel a little bit off kilter, out of sorts. Weird, but I guess it will pass. Lot's of stuff going on.

A friend of mine called me today to let me know he was alive and back at work. He is so hard on himself and he means a lot to me. Really great guy. Glad he is still hanging in there. Every day is a new day to do the right thing, to be a better person, to care a little more, to give a little more. My ferverent prayer is that we each in our own way look for the light in each other.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Wednesday's 1 - 10 of 50 Things You Can't Tell By Looking At Me

  1. I am in love with an adorable man.
  2. I could eat boiled shrimp every day of my life!
  3. I have an unexplainable sexual attraction to Ron White the comedian.
  4. I am a sports fan. I love MLB, hockey, football, golf, you get the idea :).
  5. I got to see Elvis Presley in concert at the Asheville, NC Civic Center! It was surreal people were crying and by people I mean me too!
  6. I have been friends with Atlanta A for 37 years. We grew up down the street from each other.
  7. I love to travel on my own. You meet really cool people and they open up to you and show you things they ordinarily wouldn't.
  8. A man once offered me $100 for the honor of brushing my was in Harrah's in New Orleans and it freaked me the hell out! And NO I didn't let him do it!
  9. I have ridden an elephant.
  10. I have taken batting practice at The Joe!

Now, don't you feel like we have bonded a little? Tell me about you. Email me at

Dad Comes Home

Dad was able to come home yesterday! They did the bone marrow biopsy first thing in the morning, it went very well. We spent the rest of the day...until 3 something waiting on him to pee. Yepper, we couldn't leave until he was able to pee after they took the catheter out. My dad was so obnoxiously grumpy about the whole thing. He was convinced he could go home and pee there. He tried to sweet talk them, charm them and then eventually was just ugly to them about the whole thing. Finally he was able to do just a little bit and we were released!

A guy with ABC Medical came to the room before we left to bring us a portable oxygen unit and explain how that works. When we left we called their office and a rep met us at home to give us a unit that runs 24/7. It is quite a set up. The whole thing is on wheels and is about the size of a mini fridg. The pain in the ass is the tubing....with dad in a wheel chair, he is having trouble not running over it as he goes down the hall. He doesn't have to use it all the time, just when he feels like he needs it. I am happy that he finally has it, I don't think it is an answer, but it will give him a more secure feeling, knowing it's there.

In other news...oh that's right there is no other news...I have no life....poor pitiful me....

And that isn't quite true! Last night CS came over to hang out with Dad a bit and give me a break. I went to watch HM shoot pool in his league. They were playing at Willies. When I got there I treated one of his teammates and talked to him about how to make his back feel better. I needed a beer and went to the bar to get one for HM and me. The bartender was arguing with some guy at the bar about him paying his tab. Apparently, he gave her a credit card that wouldn't go through and he was stalling. She was standing there waiting and she looked at me, I said Coors Light and Bud light. She looked all pissy and said Just wait, I am really busy, hang on. I was like Uh, okay. At the time I was thinking there were only 3 other people at the bar besides me. Two guys with there drinks already, the guy she was talking to and me. This woman would never survive as a bartender in your average bar. No ability to do more than one thing at a time. An ability that I would be demonstrating myself, soon enough.

She finally came over to me and asked what I wanted. I told her and in the meantime my phone rang it was my friend who just had a baby. She was calling to ask me how dad was doing and if I was okay. We were deep in serious conversation when the bill was brought to me. I figured the tip signed it and she took her copy. I put the receipt in my purse and took the beers to HM. I got off the phone with my friend and thanked her for being so sweet to check up on me.

I watched HM shoot a game and we chatted a bit, but I was so distracted thinking of dad and all that had gone on this past week. I was just exhausted. I decided to head on home. I called dad and told him I would pick up a milkshake for him. He was excited! :) As I got my money out for the shake, I noticed the receipt from Willies! That bitch had charged me $12.75 for TWO BEERS! I tried to call HM and it went right to voice mail, so I turned my happy ass around and went back to the bar.

HM happened to be at the bar getting some water when I came in. I told him what happened he kept telling me how sorry he was, but he had nothing to do with it at all. While I was waiting for her to wait on me, I watched her try to steal money from someone else. She didn't give a woman her that would seem like an accident, except it was several dollars and the woman was standing right there. The bartender was awful and not too smooth either! LOL
So I show her the receipt and tell her she overcharged me considerably for two beers. She doesn't apologize, she says Do you want something else? I said NO,what I want is a credit for the full amount. She couldn't figure out how to do that. Hello! Whatever! She asked if it was okay to give me the cash difference. I said Yes, I want the full amount less the beer. How much was the beer? She told me the beer was $5.00 so I told her I wanted the $10.75 back. That would mean leaving her no tip. I ALWAYS LEAVE A TIP! Usually 20% or more. I was pretty ticked off though. THEN she only gave me $10.00 and said Thank You. I looked at HM and I knew I was being a bitch, but just didn't care. I said Oh I guess the 75 cents you are keeping as a tip? She looked at me surprised and said Oh, uh, here you go. And I took it! I left her nothing because I totally think she was trying to take my money! BITCH Ah well, lessoned learned....Pay Attention To What You Are Signing!

Also, as an aside. Today is freakin beautiful outside! 70's LOVE IT!
Have a beautiful day and don't sign anything you haven't really looked at. And uh, yeah, be grateful you can pee and breathe whenever you want to!